Dating apps aren’t just for quick and easy hookups anymore—people are actually swiping left and right for true love and ending up in lasting relationships. However, there are still plenty off potential disasters online and if you see any of these things on his dating profile, RUN.
A shirtless pic Eye candy is nice, but while you’re over there ogling over his perfectly sculpted biceps and abs, how many other women are also drooling over the same public photo? A shirtless pic screams attention seeker. That’s the type of guy who wants to be seen and who won’t stop flaunting for admiration because he started dating you. Nope!
His kids While I love to flood my own social media timeline with pics and videos of my adorable kids, I do so inside the security of privacy settings. Men who openly share photos of themselves with their kids are typically using them as a gimmick. Guys who try to appear attractive to women by presenting a loving and fully involved father image to people who don’t know them and can’t verify the truth are also likely to fit the description of being a “Disney parent.”. Real fathers don’t need to boast about fulfilling a normal role in their lives. Full-time dads don’t ask for a high five or pat on the back—it’s just their everyday life. Absent or part-time parenting is not an appealing trait for a potential partner. Someone who can walk away from or prioritize a new relationship over his kids doesn’t seem like someone who can commit. How unimpressive.
Pics with other women This sorta feels like a preliminary screening to test if he can later fully initiate you into some sort of polyamorous orgy setup. I also suspect guys who lead with photos of him with other women could also be pre-conditioning you to see them being together as normal so he can later play it off as “she’s just a friend.” You know, the kind of friend he’s been sleeping with on the side before, during, and after your relationship.
Anything overly religious “I know this is going to sound crazy, but [enter Higher Power here] told me you were my future wife and then I saw you on here today!” Personally, I’ve never lived in a service area that offered a direct line to the heavens on my phone plan and I doubt you have either. While you should be truly honored that an angel gave you a specific shout-out in his dreams, please hang onto your reservations on this being a divine connection. Pass.
A job status of “self-employed” You shouldn’t have to go full on detective mode and perform fact checks before a first date. No employee badge just leaves room for too many unverifiable questions. Is he being honest about his schedule? Are those guys actually his coworkers? Will your date by interrupted by a SWAT team raid?
Too little information It just comes off as lazy that he couldn’t even take the time to fill out his profile. This isn’t the kind of guy that’s likely to pull his weight in the relationship. That, or he’s the same guy who is going to say, “Ask me anything, I’m an open book!” Then when you find out he’s a wanted serial killer, he’ll turn it around on you by claiming you never asked him. Uh, OK…
TMI This one guy told me on a first date that he had just suffered a stroke within the past year and hadn’t shared this with anyone he knew. Another guy had on his profile this whole story about how he’s in a wheelchair and exactly what happened to permanently disable him, but how he’s using this tragedy to promote awareness and run a charitable foundation to help others. While part of me applauded their honesty in being upfront, it felt a bit much. We all have our baggage but announcing too much personal information right away seems like either a pity seeking strategy or a straight up embellishment to come off as a victim or hero.
No profile pic This is the guy who tries to come off shrouded in mystery. He swears he’s worth your time and will email you photos if you pass his initial screening. This is also the guy who works down at the Pizza Pit, drives an old Hyundai, lives with his mom and dad, and is 5’3″ and overweight. He’s hoping to win you over with his fake online persona and his anonymous confidence before he shows his genuine self and you find out what a true lame he really is. That or he’s married and doesn’t want his wife to catch him. Pics or you don’t exist, dude.
Demands and/or complaints He says he doesn’t want a fatty (or basically anything body-shaming), someone on drugs, a gold-digger, or someone who is between jobs. First of all, he’s a straight up jerk and you don’t need that type of negativity in your life. Secondly, he probably has a complex about his own shortcomings and is just waiting for someone to project all that on. You can’t be that girl for him.
A Snapcode, IG Handle, or iTunes account link This guy isn’t here to find a life partner, he’s just trying to promote himself and network. While you have to respect his hustle, it’s a dating app. For dating. You came to check out hotties, not his latest mixtape. He can miss you with the shameless plug.
A weight bench or dumbbells I tried to date a guy once who was a total gym rat. It was truly admirable how dedicated he was to the cause of fitness. So devoted, that there was no time for me in his GTL lineup. Looks fade, dude—there has to be something else there. Don’t bother with guys like this.
Anything flashy Lucky you—you caught him on his short downtime between another last-minute trip to Paris (pronounced without the ‘s’ for added sophistication) or skiing the Swiss Alps. He brags about fancy, expensive restaurants and oozes 50 shades of culture and cultivation. Take a seat, Mr. Cosmopolitan. Not only does money not buy love, but most women are not about to hop a ‘quick flight’ with a complete stranger. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend but so is safety. Thanks but no thanks.
His phone number This is the guy who messages you immediately and expects you to exclusively talk to only him when you two have barely even talked and gotten to know each other. After a mere few brief exchanges, he confesses that he actually “rarely gets on here” and it would be easier to just talk/text him directly. Stage 5 clinger alert! One week later, he’ll be asking to move in and choosing your wedding hashtag. He’ll go into Full Panic Mode if you don’t answer his call or return it right away. The creep factor will escalate quickly. He’ll start questioning all of your whereabouts and accusing you of suspicious activity. Not today, Satan.
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