10 Lessons Heartbreak Teaches You That Fundamentally Change You As A Person

Heartbreak is the worst. It hurts like little else and it tends to linger. The good news is that you learn some very important lessons from the experience that make a deep impact on who you are.

Sometimes rejection is protection. When it’s happening, it feels like the worst possible experience. However, sometimes rejection is protection in a secret disguise. The person may have been toxic and you were unable to muster the strength to cut them out of your life. In the end, them leaving was actually a gift to you, though it seldom feels that way in the moment.

Music is healing. In case you didn’t already know this, heartbreak will teach it to you. Music will be one of your best healing tools. You’ll lean on it when little else is working to make you feel better. It’ll make you cry, scream, laugh, and smile. It’ll help to heal your broken heart, giving you an even greater appreciation for music.

You’re an imperfect human being. You’re going to make mistakes; it’s completely inevitable. You may have even made a mistake that resulted in the breakup. It happens. Mistakes are part of human existence. All you can do is try to learn a lesson and do better next time. Often you come to realize that this imperfection just is what it is—it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person.

One door closes and another opens. Someone once told me that men are like trolley cars. You hop off one and it isn’t too long before another one rolls up that you can choose to hop on or not. The message here is that when one door closes, it often leaves space for another one to open up that maybe wouldn’t have if your other door didn’t close. In other words, there are other fish in the sea.

You’re fundamentally worthy. After your heart is broken, it often feels like there’s something wrong with you, like you’re fundamentally flawed or something. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As you heal, you start to learn that in fact, you’re fundamentally worthy. You have inherent goodness that doesn’t depend on someone else’s acceptance or rejection of you.

You’re more resilient than you think. When bad things happen, it often feels like you’ll never feel any better or even any different. You think you’re going to feel this way forever. Then somehow, things shift. You make it through. You even bounce back and feel better than before. It surprises you but you learn that you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you can handle what life throws at you.

Support systems are crucial to survival. Who knows how people get through without others to support them, because when heartache hits you really need people there lovin’ on you. You realize that you need your friends, family, professionals, whoever is in your life. They carry you when you’re having trouble walking yourself. They’ll get you through just about anything in virtually one piece.

Time heals wounds. As time passes, you begin to heal. In the beginning, it definitely doesn’t seem like this will ever be the case, but you do. I can’t promise that time heals all wounds but it definitely heals most. With the passing of it, you get stronger and stronger and your mind has other things to focus on other than that person. Patiently letting time pass is the hardest but it works.

Acceptance is often the answer. In a 12-step group I’m in, we say, “Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today.” It’s the idea that you’re powerless over so much, especially heartbreak and another person. When you make the effort to have acceptance, things are just a little bit (or a lot a bit) easier. You’re not fighting against life so much. Instead, you surrender to the flow.

Life goes on. This is a harsh lesson to learn but one that inevitably happens. Time moves on around you whether you’re hurting or not. It may feel as if it slows down, but eventually, you’ll be on pace with life again. You’ll realize that you keep going to work and doing the things you need to do. Eventually, it’ll just feel like you’re completely doing it without them.

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