We all make mistakes, but not all mistakes are equal when it comes to love. Some, like forgetting a birthday, are forgivable. Others, on the other hand, are the equivalent of dropping a nuke on a relationship. Here are 10 mistakes that should be avoided at all costs if you want to have a healthy relationship… or a relationship at all:
- Insulting your partner. Almost every couple argues, but when you start to insult the person you’re with, you’re eating away at his self-esteem and also engaging in verbal abuse. Once abuse starts, the relationship has been permanently altered. He’ll no longer see you as the same person, and if he’s smart, he’ll most likely leave you.
- The urge to merge. You and your boyfriend are two different people, but it’s just all too common for people to start using “we” to describe one half of the relationship. If you’re constantly joined at the hip, you’re not going to have a healthy relationship. He needs space to breathe, and you need space to grow as a person. If you give up the person you were when you’re single for the person you are when you’re with him, he’ll soon miss the girl he fell in love with and move on. No one wants to feel crowded like that, and no one wants that kind of pressure.
- Refusing to own up to mistakes. If you can’t own up to mistakes you’ve made, or if you’re expecting history to wipe itself clean, many people will (rightly) take this as a sign that you’re not emotionally capable of being in a relationship.
- Being passive-aggressive. Being passive-aggressive is the easiest way to piss people off, and when you’re in a relationship, it’s really no different. Between the incessant guilt-tripping, the whining, and the subtle digs, having a passive-aggressive partner is about as pleasant as getting a root canal without anesthetic. The worst part about this issue is that it also makes communication difficult, which in turn means that problems that you may have won’t end up resolved.
- Ignoring his needs and feelings. Want to make sure that your boyfriend hates you or decides to leave you for greener pastures? Invalidate any kind of concerns he has, refuse to give him love and affection, and don’t bother trying to understand what he wants from you. The minute that the relationship becomes all about you is the minute that your partner will begin having people tell him that it’s time to leave.
- Making him feel insecure. If you’re too wishy-washy with him, you’ll make him feel insecure about the relationship. If you stop treating him like a priority or emasculate him, you’re definitely going to make him feel insecure. The problem with this is that even the most emotionally stolid people will end up getting issues if you do this, and that in turn will end up eating away at the quality of the relationship.
- Cheating. While some couples can overcome this, the truth is that there’s almost always lasting resentment that lingers after infidelity occurs. Cheating is a major violation of trust, and it’s also the quickest way to make your partner feel worthless. Realistically, it’s nearly impossible for a relationship to continue happily after cheating has been put into the equation.
- Assuming there’s better out there. If a relationship isn’t making you happy, by all means, leave. However, the new major mistake guys and girls are often making is believing that they should leave a happy relationship for the potential of an even happier one. Newsflash: there’s no such thing as a perfect mate! Dating and relationships is all about being with someone whose flaws you can accept, so stop trying to “trade up” before he trades YOU out.
- Refusing to communicate. Whether this comes in the form of ghosting, refusing to admit feelings, or just not being able to talk to him about issues in your relationship, the truth always remains the same. Communication is the key to any healthy, successful relationship. If you’re building up walls, shutting down efforts to talk, or just avoiding conversation altogether, you’re bound for Splitsville.
- Not being grateful/taking him for granted. If he just cooked you a nice dinner, thank him. A romantic partner, or even a friend, that feels taken for granted will slowly stop bothering to do all the nice little things that you never seem to notice. Eventually, all that ingratitude will leave him feeling unappreciated, and that in turn will likely make his love for you fade away.
