10 Myths About Dating As A Fat Woman

As a fat woman, I’m sick and tired of people telling me what I can and can’t do. I’ve had people tell me that I won’t get hired because of my weight, that I can’t wear pencil skirts above the knee, and I can’t be happy at my current weight. Well, I currently have a kickass job, I own and rock a sexy little skirt by Calvin Klein, and am extremely content with my new life. “Fat” women are disproving these stupid and insulting myths every day, refusing to fit in these out-dated and moronic boxes everyone tries to put us in, and dating is no exception. Here are 10 such myths that are total BS.

  1. Fat women shouldn’t have standards. Just like any woman in this world, I should be treated like the fierce queen that I am. If a guy isn’t giving me the respect I deserve, I have every right to say, “Boy, bye.” If I’m not into musicians or short dudes, I’m not going to date them. It’s my life, so if someone doesn’t like it, they can GTFO.
  2. You need to lose weight to date. If I’m comfortable in my own skin, then that confidence is what will attract someone to me, not the number on the scale.What, then, is the perfect weight to starting dating? Beauty is really in the eye of the beholder, so one man’s “too fat” is another man’s “just right.” Some men either like or don’t mind extra pounds; after all, there is more to love. If I want to lose weight, I’ll lose it for myself and not for a guy or anyone else.
  3. Fat women shouldn’t post flattering photos because it’s “false advertisement.” Um, should I post ugly photos of myself? Obviously, if anyone thinks a photo is unflattering, he or she won’t post it. It’s not about trying to trick anyone; I outright classify myself as a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) on any dating site. If I feel like I look sexy in a photo, you can bet your ass I’m going to post it.
  4. The only guys that are interested are chubby chasers or fetishists. You do have to know who out there actually likes you or just has a fetish for fat women. When a guy is just interested in your weight, you just become a sexual thing; he doesn’t care which fat girl he’s with. While men with fetishes do exist, that doesn’t mean that is the only type of man out there who will be attracted to me. A guy that comes onto me by saying, “Oh, I find fat women attractive” (which is dumb and annoying) or is constantly referring to my body is a fetishist; the one who wants to get to know the person underneath the curves is the keeper.
  5. You have to be grateful to the guy who dates you. I had a friend who was in a relationship with a thinner guy who would throw this, and similar lines, at her. It’s like he was doing her a favor by dating her. He also told her that no other guy would ever love her. This is abuse, and if a guy acts this way, I wouldn’t just dump him; I’d dump him publicly and make him feel as crappy as he made me feel. Being grateful TO someone is very different than being grateful FOR someone.
  6. Fat women are easy or desperate. I mean, we like sex just as much as the next people, but applying this stereotype to every fantastically curvy female out there is like saying every blonde is stupid or redheads are all really angry or kinky in bed. Every woman is different, but I enjoy sex because it feels nice, not because I have so little chance of getting any.
  7. You have to date any guy who likes you. I’m allowed to say no to someone I don’t like. Just because he shows interest in me doesn’t mean I have to automatically reciprocate his or her feelings. I won’t let anyone make me feel bad about rejecting someone I don’t like, regardless of my size. Oh, and the guys who lash out when they find out I’m not interested by telling me I’m too fat anyway? They just reaffirm my decision as the right one.
  8. You’ll never get married. If I can find someone to date, why wouldn’t I find someone who would marry me? Marriage and dating are hard for lots of people, so I’m hardly going to get discouraged if it doesn’t happen like the movies and I certainly won’t attribute it to my size.
  9. No one wants to have sex with you. I’m sexy and there will be someone who finds me sexy. And, along with those lines, I’m allowed to practice sex however you like. If I like it a little kinky, I won’t be afraid to bring it up to my S.O. If I want to try a few Kama Sutra-inspired positions and my S.O. is in agreement, then we’ll get our freak on. I won’t let my insecurities get in the way of having fun.
  10. You have to hide. Whether he makes you think that I need to be hidden away or I feel like I need to hide, I refuse to be afraid to take up space. I’m here and I’m beautiful. If my partner makes me feel bad about myself or is embarrassed by me, he won’t be my partner for much longer.
Ginnifer Bronstein is a freelance writer from New York. She enjoys writing about relationships, entertainment, and fiction. Her goal in life is to travel the world and be an accomplished writer, but she'll settle for stopping and smelling the roses.