20 Myths About Love You Need To Stop Believing If You Don’t Want To Be Disappointed

20 Myths About Love You Need To Stop Believing If You Don’t Want To Be Disappointed ©iStock/Shironosov

Love myths are so pervasive today because we never unplug. We listen to love songs while we get ready in the morning, scroll through pictures of “perfect” couples on Instagram when we’re bored at work, watch rom-coms to relax at night, and follow the dramas of celebrity couples 24/7. We’re so immersed in the myths that most of us hold a ton of misconceptions about relationships. If you want to be happy in love and have a fulfilling relationship, it’s time to get real and ditch these 10 popular myths about love.

  1. There’s one perfect person out there for everyone. Soulmates don’t exist. There’s someone out there who is perfect for you, but there isn’t one person you’re destined to end up with. If that was the case, your odds of ever meeting that person are so small that no one would ever find love. In all practicality, there are many men in the world who could be the one for you. There’s power in knowing you will choose each other instead of chalking your relationship up to fate.
  2. Love is a sign that you’re meant to be together. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean he’s The One. You also need compatibility, respect, chemistry, and support, among other things. We regularly see dysfunctional couples stay together out of love, but that love is meaningless if they’re hurting each other. If your relationship is making you unhappy, you can absolutely find love with someone else that’s a better match for you.
  3. You need romantic love to be happy. Single women aren’t perpetually sad until their Prince Charming shows up. You can be perfectly happy loving your friends, family, career, the city you live in, your pet, the arts, or a million other things. Romantic love can enhance your happiness, but it isn’t a requirement for it.
  4. The first cut is the deepest. We like to over-romanticize our first experiences. We put a ton of emotional value in our first kiss, first sexual experience, and first love. And while first experiences are important milestones, they generally aren’t the most significant. The man you chose to build your life with is infinitely more important than the first guy you fell in love with.
  5. Love is all you need. There are literally hundreds of things you need more than love. Clean drinking water, clothes and shelter, breathable air, pizza… the list goes on and on. Ditch this myth so you don’t over-sacrifice or compromise other things you need, like your career or your friends, for the sake of love.
  6. Love will make you feel complete. You’re the only one who can make yourself feel whole and fulfilled. If you’re waiting around for someone to complete you, you’re wasting your time. It’s not going to happen, and that’s an unfair expectation to put on someone who could otherwise make you very happy.
  7. Jealousy and drama are just symptoms of love. These things don’t have to go hand in hand! You don’t have to put up with jealousy and drama because you want a relationship, and love is not an excuse for acting unstable. Never tolerate hurtful behaviors in your search to find love.
  8. When you meet the one, you’ll know instantly. There’s no love at first sight, only lust at first sight. Sure, that lust can turn into love, but most people need time to get to know each other before they can be sure they want to commit. Taking your time in a relationship is usually a smart and necessary precaution, not a sign that he’s not the one.
  9. Monogamous marriage is the only option for people in love. If these things are important to you, then definitely don’t compromise, but you shouldn’t feel pigeonholed into them if you’re not interested. Love, sex, and marriage are all complicated things that won’t neatly fit into the heteronormative stereotype for everyone. Don’t be scared of love if you’re actually just disinterested in marriage or monogamy, because you can find someone who shares your viewpoints if you are open and honest with each other.
  10. Love is unpredictable. Sure, life can be unpredictable, but relationships have been researched so extensively at this point that you can tell what your chances of making the long run will be pretty quickly. Also, the possible solutions to your problems tend to be pretty obvious, as well. Don’t be passive when it comes to love. It takes work to make it last.
  11. Once you stop having sex, the relationship is dead. Like most things in life, sex – or more particularly, the frequency with which couples have it – comes in waves throughout a long relationship. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior (via NY Daily News) has shown newlyweds have a pretty steamy sex life, but then it declines. However, married couples that last longer than 50 years see a rebound in their sex life. So don’t be too alarmed if you guys slow down – it doesn’t mean it’s the end.
  12. Kids throw a wrench into marriage. Many people who are on the fence about having kids think about how much tougher things like marriage become after you have them. But things aren’t so black and white. Studies have found that parents tend to feel things more intensely. Their highs are higher, and their lows are lower due to having more stress. So if your marriage is already in a good place, go for it!
  13. If it’s meant to be, it will be. This is another very passive outlook on love. But love takes work, compromise, and communication. If you continually sit back with this type of attitude, then prepare for more failed relationships than necessary.
  14. Men aren’t able to love the way we want. Lots of women put up with bad behavior because they have horribly low expectations of men. The truth is that when men are in love, they have no problem wanting to spend time to that person, be open with them, and put the same amount of effort in. Stop buying into this stereotype that lets guys off the hook!
  15. You can’t be independent and in love. At some point you might merge finances and have common interest, but you can still be independent in a relationship. When you find the right person who understands that you have your own goals and hopes, they should be willing to emotionally support you and sit back and let you succeed. Finding someone who is supportive and not insecure is important for this.
  16. You only get one big love in your life. People get really stuck in dead end relationships because they think that it will be their last chance at love. However, given the number of people in the world, chances are you’ll have multiple loves of your life. As you grow and change, some will be perfect for that part of your life. Sometimes people do find that one person who can change along with them, but don’t sweat it if it didn’t work that way for you.
  17. Love means you never have to say you’re sorry. Once again, movies lied to you. Love means that sometimes you have to put away your pride multiple times and say you’re sorry over and over. Doing this tells the other person you care, and that you want to put their feelings into consideration.
  18. If someone isn’t jealous, they don’t care. Jealousy can be cute sometimes, but mostly it’s unnecessary drama. If your partner is constantly jealous, it could be a possessive problem, or a sign that there is very little trust in the relationship. Long-term relationships tend to get to the point where both people are so secure that they rarely get jealous. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, it means they really have faith in their relationship.
  19. There is only one way to say “I love you.” Some get really worried if they don’t hear their partner say “I love you” often, but the most important way to say this isn’t always verbally. Love can be done through actions like helping with chores, simply checking in through text, and spending quality time together. Really look for “I love you” through their actions, too
  20. You’ll live happily ever after. Relationships are WORK. Finding love is not the end game to all your struggles, it’s just the end of facing them alone. You will have new trials and obstacles to get through, including the challenge of maintaining a long term relationship. If you’re not willing to put the effort in, your happy ending is likely doomed.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.