10 “Normal” Things People Experience During Sex That I Haven’t

I always hear these wild sex stories from my friends and it makes me wonder why my sex life seems boring as hell in comparison. Everyone seems to have these crazy adventurous stories about all the stuff they’ve experienced in the bedroom that they swear is totally normal, but I’ve certainly never experienced any of these things during sex.

  1. Getting my period I hope I don’t jinx myself by saying this, but I’ve never had my period creep up on me while I was in bed with a guy. I’m not sure if it’s because I use FLO (the dankest period tracker on the market—and no, this isn’t an ad), but I always know when my period is going to start. No lie, but if my period started out of nowhere when I was in the middle of having sex, I’d probably sue FLO because what the actual hell?
  2. Excessive farting I once went on a date where I couldn’t stop farting. Seriously, I probably farted at least once a minute for the entire length of the date. I was gassy and I couldn’t stop it. Luckily, my farts don’t smell horrible (or maybe they do and I’m not aware) and they aren’t loud so I don’t think my date knew what was going on. Still, it was the most self-conscious time of my life. If that ever happened while I was having sex, I’d die. Thankfully, it never has.
  3. Someone crying I’ve never cried in the bedroom, nor have I ever experienced someone else doing it during the act, thank God. I couldn’t imagine someone breaking down in tears while they were on top of me or vice versa. What does one do in that situation? Just let them cry, or would I be expected to comfort them? The idea of someone being moved to tears during sex kinda makes me want to dry heave. 
  4. Queefing I’ve had my fair share of queefs, but I’ve never experienced one during sex, which is weird because I know that’s the most common situation when queefs occur. I’m not sure if I should be worried, but most of my queefs happen when I’m just living my regular life, never when a fella was in the midst of riding me.
  5. Someone saying something stupid/inappropriate/awkward I feel very fortunate that I don’t have any stories about a guy singing while he was screwing me or talking about something completely inappropriate like his sister’s new boobs. I’ve never had to deal with a guy being painfully awkward during sex either. With that said, I’ve definitely had guys say dumb stuff afterward. Once, as I was putting my clothes back on, this guy said, “That was an interesting experience.” He said the word “interesting” in a really sassy way that I didn’t appreciate at all. WTF?
  6. Being tied up I’m not a kinky chick. I’ve always been interested in the idea of being tied up and handcuffed, but I’ve just never dated a guy who initiated it and I’ve never been interested enough to bring it up to the person I was dating. Although I’d love to try, I also find it kind of scary that someone can tie you up and then maybe burn your house down, steal your stuff, and kill you in the process. It all just seems risky. Things can go so wrong or so right. 
  7. Someone walking in on us My ex’s roommate once walked in on us when we were fully clothed, making out on the couch, but that’s the only experience I’ve had with someone walking in on me while I was in the middle of a sexual situation. There’s this thing called a door and I shut it when I’m having sex. Since I don’t live with my parents, no one would dare bust up in my room when the door’s closed.
  8. Finishing at the same time As someone who rarely finishes before the guy does (and rarely finishes at all), I have to say I’m jealous whenever I hear a story about a couple reaching climax at the same exact time. That sounds magical and I’d love to have a story like that. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened.
  9. Hitting my head on the headboard OK, so I’ve never fallen off the bed during sex or hit my head on the headboard, but I’ve been hurt before. One time, a guy got way too excited and slapped my butt so hard that it was swollen for weeks. Seriously, it hurt so bad. I literally had to sleep on my stomach for a month because that mofo “lost control of his strength.” Hmmm.
  10. Someone telling me they loved me This one makes me kind of sad! Like, how has no one ever told me they loved me in the middle of sex?! I mean, I’ve had guys express their feelings later that night, maybe when we were cuddling, but no one has ever been inside me and mid stroke stopped to say, “I love you.” Maybe one day—a girl can dream. 
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.