10 Places You’ll Never Actually Meet Someone

If you’re the type of girl who secretly thinks she’s going to meet her true love at a bar, I hate to break it to you, but the options are limited. If your routine is a 9 to 5 followed by a Netflix unwind, it’s more than likely that a potential gentleman caller isn’t going to magically appear in your bedroom mid-Scandal binge (unfortunately).  While meet-cutes always happen in the movies, all of your imagined romantic stories never really happen that way. You might think you’ll find love in imaginative places, but there are some situations that hold little to no chance of love.

  1. When you’re on the subway after a long day. You secretly dream of sitting next to the perfect guy on the subway, but the reality is that you’re usually being sat on by someone’s screaming baby. Even if you dream of meeting cute on a plane, train, or even in an Uber when you’re forced to carpool, commuting doesn’t exactly scream romance, especially if you’re exhausted, hangry, and rubbing up against strangers on the train.
  2. When you’re buying groceries in your sweats, seriously starving. In your mind, you’ll both reach for the same item (locally sourced kale, because it appeals to the hipster inside all of us), only to brush hands and fall forever in love. The truth is that if he’s buying groceries, he’s probably been sent there by a significant other, list in hand, or he’s picking up some beer and ramen and just as hungry and ready to be out of there as you.
  3. When you’re picking up your dry cleaning. You see a variety of J. Crew gingham shirts (they’re literally made of boyfriend material) and wonder who the lucky owner is, because you know you’re destined for him. When the owners claim them, it’s the two most adorable men you’ve ever seen.
  4. When you’re quietly perusing the neighborhood bookstore on a lazy Sunday. It’s the ultimate meet-cute, according to all of the movies. You share a passion for literature, and later, each other. It seems like bookstores have been replaced by Kindles these days, which makes it even more difficult to bond over that first edition of The Iliad, just like the latest J. Lo movie.
  5. When you’re at your favorite music festival, flower headband in hand. If you’re a groupie-in-training, you’re hoping to hang with the band. If you’re not, you dream that the boy you eventually meet will love your favorite music just as much as you do. Despite the daydream, it’s more likely that you’ll be screaming against the music at someone who’s probably less cute in daylight hours while accidentally bumping and grinding, and that’s never cute.
  6. When you’re at that cute coffee shop that always has the most handsome lumbersexual baristas. You specifically don’t go to Starbucks, because you’re hoping to find someone with an alternative attitude (and hopefully a man bun to boot). Instead, you’re too scared to leave your laptop even to go to the bathroom, and you’re pretty sure the guy next to you is perusing P*rnHub, not poetry.
  7. When you’re at a hip house party. You were invited by a friend of a friend of a friend, and you’re approximately a bottle of wine deep and ready to mingle with strangers that aren’t sketchy. Despite the fact that said party is swarming with eligible gentleman callers, you sit in a circle and talk to the same girlfriends you came with all night long, lingering by the cheese.
  8. When you’re walking the dog. In your mind, this is the perfect way to fall in love. Your adorable pup will start sniffing around his just as cute pet, and you’ll have to start talking just because. In the real world, dog walking involves going out in the cold, potentially in your pajamas, while sniffling and quietly chatting with your animal to make sure he actually goes to the bathroom sometime in the next five minutes so you don’t freeze to death while waiting for it to happen.
  9. When you’re super sweaty at the gym. Some girls/gym rats dream of meeting the love of their lives while they’re dripping in sweat and covered in spandex. If you go to more SoulCycle classes than weight rooms, you’re probably only going to find a gay best friend.
  10. When you’re in your own apartment. Forget apps like Hinge, the most convenient hook-up would obviously be with that adorable guy across the hall. Unfortunately, despite sneaking glances all year and “accidentally” getting his mail Liz Lemon style, you never actually speak. It’s probably better that way, because a relationship gone awry in the same building would be way too reminiscent of your college days.
Margaret is a freelance writer who covers pop culture and fashion in New York City and currently writes for Page Six's Style section. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, xoJane, and Racked. She tweets about her crippling caffeine addiction and teen TV obsession here: @margaretabrams