Having a pang in your stomach when it comes to your relationship can be a sign of all sorts of things. It’s easy to assume that you know exactly why you’re feeling unsettled, but digging a little deeper could reveal some serious red flags. Be careful not to quickly dismiss your feelings while also not running off with a big assumption. However, spending some time on self-reflection could reveal some harsh truths.
You two aren’t a good match and you know it.
Often your body knows how you’re feeling before your mind even has a chance to catch up. You feel that slight twinge in your lower belly when you’re headed to your partner’s house. One big reason you’re experiencing this uncertainty may be that your partner and you just aren’t good for each other. Perhaps you know this but you don’t want to believe it.
You’re emotionally unavailable.
Emotional availability is a topic you know all about, but it’s pretty hard to apply it to your own life. You want to believe that you’re the master of feelings and relationships, but in reality, you’ve got some serious blind spots. Maybe that discomfort and those mixed feelings are signs that you’ve still got some work to do on yourself.
Your partner is emotionally unavailable.
Okay, so you’ve got your emotional availability under control. You know you’re here, ready to be open with your partner. So why do you still feel like something is terribly wrong? Well, maybe it’s not you. Your partner might be the one who’s still got some baggage. They’re secretly hung-up on their ex, they’ve got emotional work to do, or there’s too much going on in their life. The feeling in your tummy may not be anything about you at all.
You aren’t over your ex.
If you’re emotionally unavailable, you may more specifically not be over your ex. Some signs that this is true are you pining over them, creeping on their social media, or harboring thoughts that someday you may get back together. If you aren’t over your ex, you’re most definitely going to feel twangs of guilt when your current sweetie says “I love you.”
Something’s bothering you that you haven’t brought up.
Okay, don’t freak out, maybe there isn’t a huge issue here. Sometimes there are problems like incompatibility, but other times it’s also as simple as a comment that your partner made a few days ago. Don’t jump to conclusions right away that the relationship is ill-fitted. Your partner may have just said some insensitive stuff that is easily remedied with a conversation.
You did something that was sketchy.
Guilt, shame, and remorse make a home in your body. If you haven’t processed something you’ve done, it’s going to sit inside and eat away at your peace of mind. Maybe an ex texted you and instead of ignoring or blocking them, you engaged in a less-than-appropriate conversation. Your unsettled tummy may be telling you that you’ve got to fess up to your partner and cut the crap in the future.
You’re not attracted to your partner.
It’s okay, you’re not the only one who’s been in the position of being with a super nice person that you just can’t seem to be attracted to. Maybe you’ve been trying to force physical attraction because your partner is super sweet, but it’s just not working. It’s not ever going to work. If the connection isn’t there, you can’t manufacture it. Your feeling-body is going to keep reminding you of this until you end the relationship.
Things are moving too fast or too slow.
Going with the flow is cool and all in relationships, but sometimes you just aren’t getting what you want or need. Partners can be on different pages when it comes to what they’re used to. If this is the case, it’s time to have a conversation with your sweetie about where you’re both at. Maybe you’re ready for a more serious commitment or you need to pump the brakes in the bedroom.
You have some trauma below the surface.
This isn’t a popular topic. I mean, who wants to talk about their trauma? A lot of people who have experienced traumatic events like sexual assault or abuse spend the rest of their life trying to forget what happened. The thing is, though, that the body remembers. Your gut will have a conniption when it’s being triggered. Although it may seem like you’re dying, just give your body some space to breathe and it’ll tell you exactly what it needs.
Fear is creeping in.
Fear is a precarious thing. One moment you think you’re totally cool and that you’ve got this under control. Then, the next moment your mind is spinning a million miles a minute and you feel as if you’re going to throw up. Sometimes this is as simple as good old human fear. It’s totally natural and it will pass if you sit with it for a while. Especially when it comes to fear, you might not always be able to pinpoint the exact cause of your unsettled feelings. It’s okay, in time it’ll either pass or reveal itself to you.
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