10 Qualities Beta Men Want In A Girlfriend

If life was a movie, alpha men would be the lead roles and beta men would be their sidekicks. And while sidekicks can be lovable, beta men are often labeled as weak guys who lack confidence and relationship skills. In reality, a beta man can be the ideal boyfriend for his loyalty, kindness, and sensitive nature. In exchange, here are the qualities you should have as his girlfriend.

  1. You’re patient. When getting to know a beta man, patience is a virtue. It may take him time to open up and he probably won’t make as many moves in the beginning as you’re used to. Be patient, take time to warm up to each other, and resist the urge to friendzone him too soon. If your relationship progresses, you’ll likely be rewarded with an affectionate, wears-his-heart-on-his-sleeve kind of guy.
  2. You’re a good listener. Beta men tend to be more introspective, and they’ll want to share their thoughts with you without judgment. Beta guys tend to not be too loud in a group, and they don’t talk as much as the typical alpha male. But that doesn’t mean they have nothing to say—in fact, they have a lot of thoughts and observations they’re dying to share. Be ready to listen to him and his stories, and he’ll happily do the same for you.
  3. You can see his strengths. Beta guys are often seen as the nerdy, quiet guys who hardly go noticed in a room. But just because he’s not loud and aggressive doesn’t mean he’s not strong—his strengths might just be a bit more subtle. A beta guy wants a woman who sees and appreciates his strengths, even if they’re not in your face.
  4. You’re committed. If you’re looking for an easy hookup or a casual FWB relationship, you might not match well with a beta man. Beta guys typically want a serious connection, and they’re looking for a girlfriend who will be just as loyal and committed as they are. Know that when you date a beta male, his interests and intentions are pure, and he’s genuinely excited to see where the future takes you (even if his quiet energy doesn’t seem to reflect this).
  5. You value collaboration. Just because he has a beta personality type doesn’t mean he can’t be active in contributing to the relationship. While betas might not be bold and aggressive in relationships, they still want to play a part in keeping them going—they just want your help in the process. To date a beta guy, be prepared to collaborate and discuss issues and decisions 50/50.
  6. You’re not afraid to be honest. Beta men value transparency and honesty. For a relationship with a beta guy, you must be able to communicate clearly. Don’t rely on confusing signals, and don’t hide if something is bothering you. After all, he’ll probably notice. And being a beta, he may not know how to confront you about it.
  7. You like to take the lead. To be with a beta guy, you don’t need to be a total alpha girlfriend (although it’s great if you are). But you should be comfortable taking the lead sometimes. As they say, opposites attract, and you can work to balance each other’s personalities out when needed. When he’s leaning into his passive or quiet tendencies, you can take the role of conversation starter and date planner.
  8. You’re not superficial. Beta males’ appeal isn’t in their overwhelming confidence, tough masculinity, or handsome good looks. For that, you might be better off with a typical alpha man. For betas, what makes them attractive is their soft personality and trustworthy loyalty. Beta guys need a partner who can appreciate those deeper qualities, not someone looking for a hot body or superficial charm.
  9. You embrace your strong opinions. Beta guys want to make their girlfriends happy. And they might get a bit frustrated when they don’t know how to do so. They want to know what you’re thinking and feeling, and they respect your opinions. When you have your own opinions, it gives him directions for exactly what to do. For example, if you clearly say what kind of food you like and don’t like, he knows what restaurant to suggest for your Friday dinner date. He’ll also appreciate your opinions because it takes the pressure off of him, especially since beta guys can sometimes be slow to form and voice their own opinions.
  10. You’re cool with being sensitive. Beta men dream of getting intimate with their girlfriends—and no, that isn’t always sexual! A typical beta guy likes showing his sensitive side, and it helps if you can join him, without shaming or teasing him for being so emotional. Take this chance to get to know your own sensitive side too. That way, you can share your honest feelings, or just bond over the same tear-jerker movies together.
Relationship educator, writer, host of the Relationship Reminders podcast, and mental health advocate hailing from the US and currently based in Tokyo