10 Qualities He Needs If You’re Going To Be Together Forever

10 Qualities He Needs If You’re Going To Be Together Forever ©iStock/AmmentorpDK

Frida Kahlo once said, “Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you’re magic.” If you ask me, she was referring to then ability to be enchanted by your partner and see endless dimensions in them. That’s important — in fact, I’d argue it’s a must, for a life partner. However, it’s not everything. Magic won’t pay the bills or instill the grit and gumption needed to fight for a relationship when the time calls for it. If you’re interested in creating a real, solid, life-long relationship, look for these qualities instead:

  1. Satisfaction with life. Being with someone who’s perpetually stuck in a rut or always “looking for something better” is just straight up gloomy, and it’s contagious. You need someone who’s able to take the darkness with the light, make something decent from something bad, and can take life as it comes.
  2. Ambition. Dreams, goals, ideas — these are all the stuff of an interesting, exciting life. Ideally your partner has these with or without you. They might look totally different than your ambitions, but your conversations about what you’re working toward can energizing for both of you.
  3. Honesty. Solid relationships are built on trust. Your partner has to be honest about their needs, both with themselves and with you. Without honesty, partnerships quickly reach dead ends.
  4. Focus. Focus is what you need to hold down a steady job, to “work for a reward” in any context, to commit to anything. Being able to focus on what really matters — the purpose of the paycheck, the reward at the end of the toil, whatever the toil may be, is key in a long-term relationship.
  5. Curiosity. Ambition without curiosity points to a pretty rigid path. Your partner will ideally be focused and ambitious, but not so dead-set on their plans that they can’t entertain any possibilities beyond them. A little curiosity allows for spontaneity and intrigue.
  6. Acceptance. Of both you and of themselves. These go hand in hand. Someone who doesn’t accept themselves as they are won’t be accepting of anyone else. No matter what.
  7. Resilience. Life isn’t always to be a honeymoon. You need someone who doesn’t crumble at the first touch of adversity and is able to take things in stride. They’ll ideally be able to separate what they can control from what they can’t control, and do what they can with what they have, and be OK with that.
  8. Emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is an ability to manage your own emotions and those of others. It’s about finding ways to listen to and live with, one’s feelings. Emotional intelligence makes for good problem solving in a relationship.
  9. Humour. Life is heavy. And it’s also a lot of fun. It’s totally meaningless, and also the most consequential thing in the universe. Humour is a survival skill. Your life partner best have it.
  10. Forgiveness. Above all your partner must be willing to forgive you, when you mess up, and themselves when they do. A relationship is a long road with ups and downs. A willingness to forgive the past, to let go of it, without wishing that it could have been any different, is the quality that will keep your relationship moving forward.