Devoting the rest of your life to just one person can be a stressful ordeal. It’s also one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your relationship in your lifetime. Before you and your partner decide to put a ring on it, you might want to ask each other a few questions to ensure that you don’t end up dealing with the dreaded D-word down the road.
What is your love language?
Love languages are an important part of happy relationships. Many people will share the same type of love language and usually, that means compatibility. If your love languages are vastly different, though, it could lead to problems down the road. If you love romance and he couldn’t be bothered, eventually that will cause a rift and you’ll both need to know each other well enough to handle that when the time comes.
What’s your stance on alone time?
People need alone time. It gives them a chance to explore their hobbies, be slovenly, or indulge in their guilty pleasure Netflix binge. Before heading down the aisle, it’s important to know just how much alone time your partner needs. If they want to spend a ton of time alone and you want nothing more than to cuddle up together all the time, that poses a problem in your future marriage.
What do you consider quality time?
Quality time can be a tough one for married couples. One partner might think that sitting on the couch not speaking to each other at the end of the day constitutes quality time while the other thinks a weekly date night is a must to keep the connection alive. If your future spouse doesn’t have the same picture of quality time as you, it’s better to get the conversation out early so you’re both on the same page about what it means to spend meaningful time together.
Is there anything you would change about me?
This might be a difficult question to ask and the answer might be even more difficult to hear, but knowing what your partner does and doesn’t like about you can be an advantage when marriage is on the table. If something they don’t like is manageable and small, it’s no biggie. If what they want to change is part of who you are in any way, it might be time to rethink the entire thing.
Do you value my opinion?
Your person should be your go-to when it comes to big decisions. They are there to help you weigh the options and ultimately assist in you making the best decision by giving their opinion and then offering support. If your future husband or wife doesn’t take your opinion into consideration or would rather go to someone else for advice, it might be a doomed marriage to start.
What are your long-term goals?
Long-term goals are important. Having something to work towards makes life meaningful and fulfilling. When you have a partner that has similar future goals, it makes success taste that much better. Problems arise when you see yourself with a corner office and a three-story townhouse in the city and they’re cool with never advancing at work and living our the rest of their days in the same cramped apartment you live in now.
Are you comfortable talking about issues with sex?
Sex can be a tough one. It’s often hard to ask for what you want or tell your partner they’re doing something wrong in the bedroom. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, though, it’s unlikely that your needs will be met for the rest of your life.
Where do you see yourself settling down?
The old retirement question can be a true engagement ruiner. You want a cabin in the woods, your partner wants a condo in the city. You can’t settle down in both places, and when both partners don’t agree on a settled spot, someone will always be disappointed.
What is your biggest insecurity?
This question is more for them than it is for you but it’s important to know that your partner can get vulnerable with you. Vulnerability leads to deeper intimacy and prior to getting married, intimacy should be at an all-time high.
Do you have any big secrets?
This might be a tough one to get the real answer to. A lot of people like their privacy. The problem with privacy in a marriage is that it’s almost nonexistent. You can keep some things to yourself but if your partner isn’t comfortable letting you in on most everything, it’s unlikely the marriage will be full of openness and honest communication.
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