No one likes to be blindsided in a relationship, so it’s normal to wonder what your significant other’s intentions are moving forward. It’s also normal to be nervous to ask him directly, but there’s no need to be forward. With the following questions, it’s easy to gauge how he’s feeling about the relationship and what he wants in the long-term. His answers will determine whether the two of you are on the same page and if not, then this relationship may need to come to an end sooner rather than later.
How do you feel things are going with us?
A good way to gauge whether he sees things in the long-term is to ask him how he’s feeling about the relationship in the moment. If he struggles to give you an answer or seems unsure or hesitant, it could be because he doesn’t see things lasting much longer. But if he gives you a confident response, then it’s a good sign that he sees and wants you to be a part of his future.
What do you like most about our relationship?
Another way to see how he’s feeling about the relationship without asking him directly is with this question. Depending on the response he offers, it could be a sign he sees your relationship as long-term or vice versa. If he talks about your qualities or how you make him feel, that’s a good sign. But if he says something casual, like you’re a fun girl to hang out with, it’s more difficult to tell whether he sees this as something long-lasting or not.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
Even if he wants to pursue a relationship with you well into the near future, it doesn’t mean the two of you are on the same page in terms of your life goals. Asking him about his 5 or 10-year plan is a good way to gauge what his long-term goals in a relationship are. If he only talks about his career or pursuing a passion like traveling, he may not be ready for a long-term partner. But if he talks about marriage and a family, then he’s definitely looking for the one.
Do you feel you’re on track to reaching your goals?
This is an important question that can help you discover what stage of life he’s in. If he’s honest and admits he’s not, then he’s likely not in a good place to settle down. Or, if he’s planning on some major life change, like attending law school or switching careers, he may also not be looking for a life partner at the moment. But if he says yes and appears confident in the trajectory of his life, it’s a stronger sign that he’s looking for a relationship that’s long-lasting.
Are you happy with your current life?
If he’s in a relationship for the long-haul and the right reasons, he’ll have no problem answering ‘yes’ to this question. Especially if you’re in the early stages of a relationship, he should be head over heels for you. But if he’s honest and admits he’s not satisfied with his life, his focus is likely on getting ahead of the game and not on a relationship. Getting involved with someone who isn’t completely satisfied in life can be messy, so tread carefully.
Are your friends starting to settle down?
If his friend group is all starting to settle, then chances are that’s on his mind, too. But observe how he describes their relationship statuses. If he seems to turn up his nose as his friends who got engaged or married young, then don’t expect him to want the same for himself anytime soon. But if he seems excited for his pals, especially if he talks about all of you hanging out together, then he’s likely hoping to lead the same footsteps as his taken have friends.
What’s your biggest priority in life?
This is a pretty open-ended question, so it won’t appear as though you’re interrogating him about his intentions. But his answer will say a lot. If he’s focused on adventure, exploring, or doing what he wants in the moment, he’s likely not looking for commitment. Yet if he talks about settling down, having a family, and a good-paying job, then it’ll be clear what he wants.
What are your opinions on marriage? Kids?
Even if you ask him what his biggest priority is, he may not think you’re hinting at having a family. But asking him his opinion on kids and marriage will give you a direct answer. If he struggles to answer or admits these things aren’t on his mind, he’s likely not looking to settle down anytime soon. But if he can confidently tell you what he wants, and especially if he says he wants it all with you, then he’s in the relationship for the long-haul.
Are you looking for commitment or something short-term?
This is a fair question to ask at the start of a relationship after you’ve been hanging out for a while. Just don’t ask this too early or it’ll seem like you’re pressuring him to commit. Make sure to know how you’ll respond, too, because chances are he’ll ask you in return. If both of your replies don’t line up, then it could be a sign the relationship isn’t meant to last.
Do you see a future with me?
If you want to be direct, this is the question to add. He’ll be forced to give you an honest answer about what his intentions for the relationship are. The one thing you should do is prepare for the unexpected. He may not give you an answer you like, but it’s better to lay things out before the relationship continues on for a longer period of time. As with the last question, he’ll probably ask you the same thing, so make sure you have a response prepared.
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