10 Reasons My Boyfriend & I Schedule Sex

Scheduling sex sounds like something that should be reserved for old, boring couples, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. My boyfriend and I – both not-boring 20-somethings – gave it a try after a few busy weeks at work, and now, it’s a regular part of our sex life. Here’s why we love it so much:

  1. It guarantees that sex will happen. When you’re as success-oriented as my boyfriend and me, it’s easy to forget to prioritize “fun” activities like catching up on TV shows or, yes, getting laid. Scheduling sex the same way we schedule meetings or doctor’s appointments forces us to block out a time to get frisky with each other. We no longer have an excuse to say that we’re “too busy,” because we’ve already blocked out that time slot to bang.
  2. It gives us something to look forward to. Work and other life obligations are way easier to get through when you know that you have an orgasm or two headed your way at 9:30 that night. Ensuring that we’re making time for sex gives my boyfriend and me a way to break the monotony of eat-sleep-work. It’s kind of like being more eager to eat your vegetables because you know you’ll be getting dessert later.
  3. It holds us accountable in our relationship. How many horror stories have you heard about people in long-term relationships who get stuck in dead bedroom situations? I’ve been a part of one myself, and it didn’t end well. When life gets in the way or you get complacent in a relationship, it’s easy to let sex fall by the wayside. Including it in our schedules, however, ensures that we never get so busy that we forget to take time for each other. Sex may not be all of a relationship, but it’s a large part of one, and our decision to plan it out guarantees that if we have issues, they won’t be due to a lack of sex.
  4. Yes, it is super hot. There’s a big misconception that scheduled sex is boring, but the reality is that it’s insanely steamy. It fulfills a lot of fantasies about mixing work and pleasure, and scheduling it the way we schedule conference calls makes it seem like we’re adding a naughty aspect to something professional.
  5. It builds suspense. My boyfriend and I have a rule that when we schedule sex, we’re not allowed to even start foreplay until the time we’ve designated for R-rated activities. If we have our session scheduled for 6:30 pm, it doesn’t matter if we’re horny and have free time at 6:00 pm – we have to wait until that 3-0 comes up on the clock before we can tear each other’s clothes off. This adds a steamy forbidden element to our sex life, and it keeps us craving each other all day knowing that no matter how much we want to get naked ASAP, we’ll have to wait until the time we’ve penciled in before we do anything to each other.
  6. It’s not the only kind of sex we have. Scheduled sex is a part of our sex life, but definitely not all of it. There are still plenty of days in which we have sex just because we feel like it, whether that means getting a quickie in before work or having a whole night of unplanned romance. You don’t need to have one or the other – we prefer to have both.
  7. It makes it easier to keep track. In past relationships, I’ve had issues with partners where one of us was unsatisfied with our sex life. It was harder to look back and analyze it, though, because we weren’t keeping track of how much sex we were actually having: Did we really only do it three times in the past two weeks? With my current boyfriend, scheduling sex prevents this issue. If one of us isn’t content with how much we’re hooking up, all we have to do is look back and see if the number of times we’ve had sex has increased or decreased over time. This makes it so much easier to fix what needs to be changed so we can both be happy.
  8. We’re both “planners.” Some people function best in a chaotic, completely unplanned environment, but my boyfriend and I aren’t that type. We both feel happier when we have everything in our lives organized and orderly, and yep, that includes sex. Finding a time slot to get frisky gives us the satisfying feeling of fitting in that last piece in a puzzle. Maybe that makes us a little odd, but we don’t care.
  9. It gives us time to plan. When you know for a fact you’re gonna get some later, it inspires you to get a little creative. My boyfriend and I will bounce ideas back and forth via text throughout the day, suggesting new things to try or simply teasing each other with what we plan to do. Yes, you can do this without scheduling sex, but when you know you have a “deadline,” it definitely inspires you to start turning the wheels in the kinkier parts of your brain.
  10. It’s become our “thing.” We’re well aware that a lot of couples don’t schedule sex, and some of them might even think that we’re weird for doing so. But now, it’s a cutesy quirk that’s become a staple in our relationship. Some couples get ice cream every Friday, some visit the same dive bar they met at for every anniversary, and we schedule sex. It may not work for everyone, but it makes us happy, and that’s all that matters.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.