The first time a guy told me he wanted to make love to me, I cringed. Just the words “make love” had my skin crawling so much that, to this day, I’m surprised I didn’t jump out the window then and there. While I understand “making love” is a term that some people embrace and maybe even prefer to the word “sex,” I’m just not one of them. I’ll take plain old hot sex anytime.
- Making love sounds like something my parents do. And while I think it’s great that my parents or your parents or anyone’s parents might be “making love,” I just don’t equate it with something my generation does. Unless they’re religious. For some reason, I can see super religious people making love and only doing so to procreate as the Lord intended. As for the rest of us, hot sex just seems to make so much more sense.
- Hot sex has a pulse. If something’s hot is has a pulse, as does something that involves sex. So, by that rationale, hot sex has a major pulse. It doesn’t conjure up thoughts of “slow lovemaking,” but instead hot, sweaty, sex that’s, ideally, a bit scandalous and raunchy too.
- Making love makes me picture candles and roses. In my mind, if you’re going to make love, it’s going to happen by the light a hundred candles and on a bed of rose petals. Also, there’s most definitely going to be some easy listening playing in the background. You know, to set the mood, because the rose petals and candles needed a little kick to take things up a notch —and nothing takes things up a notch like Kenny G. on the stereo.
- Hot sex has the possibility to be dirty. When you make love, there’s no spanking, no dirty talk, not tying each other up, no hair-pulling, no prostate massages, no sex toys, no handcuffs, no role-playing—none of all the important stuff that makes sex so awesome. Hot sex not only has the possibility to be dirty but practically guarantees it. I want to be guaranteed that I’ll walk away from a proper romp looking and feeling ravaged and exhausted.
- Making love is attached to too many emotions for my liking. Ah! All the emotions and tenderness and loving touches and hair stroking! Deliver me from a nightmare situation, please! Emotions are so heavy in love making it’s as though you’re expecting either partner to cry at any moment and when they do, the crying will be embraced while someone turns up the Kenny G even louder. God. Help. Me.
- Hot sex can happen anywhere. Anywhere! In a car, in an alley, in a public bathroom, in a bed, on an empty metro train, behind a tree in your parents’ backyard on Christmas Day between the main course and dessert. Anywhere! The places for hot sex are legitimately endless.
- Making love feels like it belongs in poorly written romance novels. Because thoughts of candles, roses petals, and Kenny G. isn’t enough, “making love” is on par with other terms you might find in one of those awful grocery store romance novels. If you’re going to make love to someone, you might as well just phrase it, “He filled my lustful cavern with his vibrating loin of love.” Good luck trying to sleep tonight after reading that. Yikes.
- Hot sex doesn’t have to involve love. Although love and sex can exist separately, it’s hard to separate them when you “make love.” At least in terms of hot sex, you can have it without any love at all. And sometimes all you want is a quick screw to scratch an itch so you can go back to doing whatever it is you’re doing. Making love doesn’t appear to be done quickly; it seems to involve many hours and many Kenny G albums.
- Making love, even the words together, sounds gross. If we’re going to be honest with ourselves, and we should, “making love” isn’t far off from other unfavorable words like golf, phlegm, moist, and panties, just to name a few. These words don’t just bring to mind awful thoughts, but they don’t roll off the tongue with the same charm as “hot sex.” Instead, they sort of struggle to get said, lingering on the tongue for far too long, making the person who says them stumble and gag, and the person who hears them recoil and softy whisper, “Why are you doing this to me?”
- Hot sex just sounds delicious. Just as much as “making love” sounds gross, “hot sex” sounds delicious. It’s right up there with hot pizza, red wine, cold water, or beach day. These are words and terms people want to hear and experience. I’m pretty sure not a single human being has every cringed or cried when hearing hot pizza. It just doesn’t happen. Everyone wants hot pizza just as much as they want hot sex. I’d say this just might be a scientific fact.
