Are your parents a bit too keen to marry you off to the father of their grandchildren? Is it all getting a bit too much? Sometimes we all need a reminder that who we are and where we are in life is perfectly fine, even if it doesn’t quite fit in with the life our parents want for us. Stay strong and read on!
- You’re more than good enough. Wherever you are in your life right now, it’s fine. Maybe you’re happy being single or are more interested in casual dating right now—that’s perfectly fine if that’s how you feel. Even if you’re desperately searching for a guy to marry and have not found him yet, that’s cool too. Take a deep breath and remember that there is more to you than this. You’re not defined by your relationship to other people.
- You write your own story, no one else. Parents always have plans for their kids, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow them to the letter. Do you want to settle down right now? Do you want to have kids? This decision should be up to you, in your own time. It’s your life and nobody else gets to live it for you or tell you how to do it.
- Your parents are from a different generation. People used to marry much earlier when your parents were your age. It was common enough to get married straight out of high school and start having kids soon afterward. In some parts of the world (and the country), this is still the case. In other places, it’s perfectly okay to take your time. Just because you come from a particular background doesn’t mean you have to stick with tradition for the sake of it. In this day and age it’s perfectly normal to marry late, study, work on your career and have kids later on in life.
- Being single doesn’t make you a failure. Women used to need a man to survive in this world, so parents pressuring a daughter to settle down was as much about ensuring her survival as it was about wanting grandkids. Now we can very well look after ourselves, thank you very much! I’m sure there are plenty of other aspects of your life that make it worth living. Concentrate on those instead of feeling like you have to find a guy to be a complete person.
- You deserve to be with someone great. If it were up to my parents, I’d end up with a rich yet incredibly boring guy who’d be very reliable yet equally unexciting. Guess what? Parents would rather not think about their little girl having wild sex. Instead, they’d rather match their little girl with a good provider. I, on the other hand, would like to be with someone I’m actually in love with, someone who makes my heart sing when I wake up in the morning. Should I compromise because my parents want to see me married off as soon as? Hell no!
- You should only have kids when and if you’re ready. Kids are for life. More importantly, kids change your life. Too many people have kids because that’s what expected of them, without understanding the consequences. If you want kids and are ready for the responsibility, that’s awesome. But forcing yourself into a relationship just because your parents expect it of you is unfair to both you and the unborn kids. By the same token, it’s also fine not to have children. Your parents might tell you that once you have the child you’ll be the happiest woman on earth, but that’s not necessarily true. You should be able to tell if this is something you want for yourself. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it.
- Happiness comes in many forms—choose your own. Your parents are on your case because they want you to be happy. They believe settling down and having kids will do the trick. But just because this is their idea of ultimate happiness, doesn’t mean it’s yours. Maybe your idea of happiness doesn’t include children at all. Maybe it doesn’t even include a man at this stage. Follow your own happiness.
- Nobody asks to be born. Parents love to remind you that they are the ones who gave you life, but they made the decision to have kids without asking you. The truth is, people have children for their own reasons. They may have their own vision of the sort of person your life should be like, but the fact that they had you doesn’t give them the right to dictate anything. They may voice their opinion or give you advice, but they can’t make decisions for you.
- You don’t have to discuss it. Sure, you want to keep your parents happy, but it shouldn’t come at your expense. If you’re tired of having the same old conversation, make it go away. Families are all different. Sometimes it’s enough to simply ask your parents to back off, in other cases this would cause a nuclear explosion. If parental pressure gets too much, you can and should take control of the discourse in whatever way works for you. If your parents tend to get overly excited whenever you mention a guy’s name, for example, it might be time to stop mentioning names altogether.
- Stand up for yourself. Ultimately, this sort of parental pressure is unhelpful regardless of whether or not you actually want to settle down at this stage. It’ll either make you feel bad about your perfectly legitimate life choices or make you feel like a failure for not achieving your goals. If you want this to stop, stand up for yourself! Defend your life choices or the situation you’re in—we all know it’s not that easy to find the perfect guy, even if you really want to.
