10 Reasons Not To Ask A Guy Why He Ghosted You

The moment you realize that someone has ghosted you feels like you’ve been smacked right across the face. The first thing that comes to mind is to send the guy an angry one-pager asking why and telling him how it’s his loss. Here’s why you really shouldn’t bother trying to uncover his motivations.

  1. The more you try to find out, the longer the pain will last. You won’t be able to get out of the black hole of heartbreak until you stop asking. While it sucks not to know why he doesn’t want to see you anymore, the more you ask him, the worse you’ll feel. You will only begin to recover when you accept the fact that he wasn’t the one and focus on healing from the whole thing. Being ghosted can actually make you stronger.
  2. Asking him why he ghosted you gives him the control. When you ask why he stopped talking to you, you admit that he made the decision to ignore you. This puts you in a powerless position and you don’t want that. It’s not like he was the most amazing guy on the planet and chose to ditch you. He doesn’t control your life or happiness. Accept the fact that your relationship won’t be going forward and make a conscious decision to cut him out of your life too.
  3. He probably will not be able to give you a good reason why he ghosted you. The crazy thing about ghosting is that dudes often can’t even explain why they do it. They just shrug their shoulders. They aren’t trying to be a-holes. It’s just that they don’t spend as much time expressing their emotions and therefore don’t know what exactly they feel. Guys use the general umbrella of “unhappy” to address anxiety, loneliness, and fear of abandonment. They get confused, which is why they often won’t be able to tell you why they ditched you.
  4. Don’t waste any more of your attention on him. If he ghosted you, he deserves nothing from you, not a single breath or thought wasted. You have to realize that whether he cut you out of his life due to fear and insecurity or because he got bored of you is irrelevant. A guy who doesn’t appreciate your time and your amazing self isn’t worth contacting. Drop it.
  5. I know you want clarity, but you’ll end up even more confused. When you ask why he ghosted you, he might try to give you some bullsh*t reason or just say that he didn’t feel like seeing you anymore. Often, guys would try to slip in something nice why they tell you all this, making you all the more confused. If he had a good reason to stop talking to you, he would have broken up with you like a real man. Don’t buy stupid excuses. You won’t get clarity and will, in fact, end up even more baffled.
  6. Ghosting is for cowards, so he clearly never deserved you. Is it really worth your time to continue talking to someone who didn’t have the guts to break up with you? Clearly the guy never deserved or respected you. Every minute you spend digging into the whole thing will lead to more of your energy wasted. Re-balance yourself and find someone honest and mature instead.
  7. Focus on the present and on those guys who do care about you. For every douchebag who’s ever ghosted you, there’s a nice guy out there. While we all have to go through a mix of both, we choose whether we want to focus on the good ones or cry over the heartless jerks. Channel your energy and positivity into attracting the right man who cares about you.
  8. Write your feelings down instead. One reason why ghosting is a thing is that it helps avoid a difficult conversation. Unfortunately, too many guys out there aren’t equipped to talk about their feelings in an intelligent and insightful way. They aren’t okay with being vulnerable. Instead of asking why he ghosted you, write your feelings down. He’s gone. Focus on coming to terms with your own feelings and taking care of your own well-being.
  9. Asking while he ghosted you will undermine your self-worth. When you ask him to tell you why he doesn’t want you, you’re actually asking to hear the worst about yourself. Don’t focus on what some jerk doesn’t like about you. Think about your amazing qualities that a great guy will see and appreciate.
  10. Don’t give him the idea that you’re a future option. When you care enough to ask a dude why he ghosted you, he gets the impression that you’re into him and might consider hitting you up in the future when his next relationship implodes. Show him that you’re finished and move on. Don’t ever accept a call from him again. Even if you really want that closure, asking will do more harm than good.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.