In the movies and on TV, parties seem like such a magical event. You get the chance to dress up, you drink way too much, and literally anything could happen. You could meet the love of your life or at least have a fun evening that you can talk about forever. Unfortunately, life is nothing like pop culture (if only it were), and instead of being awesome parties are usually pretty dull. Here are 10 reasons why parties are actually the worst.
- No one talks to each other. Whenever I go to a party it makes me wonder what happened to the concept of manners. I’ve talked to countless friends-of-friends or boyfriends-of-friends-of-friends who don’t ask me a single question after I’ve asked them how they know the host/what their job is/etc. Seriously, what happened to small talk and polite conversation? The ideal party where everyone dances to Taylor Swift and bonds over the fancy artisanal cocktails is probably just a dream (that would be my personal dream).
- You need to lower your expectations. It’s a law of parties: if you think the party is going to be super fun, it’s going to be incredibly boring. If you think it’s going to suck, you’re going to have the time of your life. I don’t know what the science is behind it but this has happened every single time I’ve gone to a party.
- Leaving is always super awkward. In Mindy Kaling’s awesome and hilarious first book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, she mentions leaving a coat at party because she wanted to leave ASAP and didn’t feel like saying goodbye. I 100 percent relate. There’s something about saying goodbye at parties that is just the worst thing in the world. You don’t want to call attention to the fact that it’s only 10 p.m. and you’d rather be reading in bed than making boring small talk any second longer. You just want to get the hell out.
- If you only know the host, good luck. At 26 I basically refuse to go to a party where I only know the person throwing it (unless it’s one of my BFFs and then I’ll never miss it). It’s just asking for disaster. You will be bored and sitting there silently, wondering when you can go home without looking totally boring.
- Everyone cancels last-minute. Throwing yourself a birthday party is the most stressful experience on the planet because everyone cancels the morning/day/evening of. It’s like you want to shout at everyone who does come, “I swear I have more friends than are in my apartment right now!” People always get sick/double book/have a wedding/are going out of town. It’s pretty rare that everyone you know and would love to attend your party will be able to. Bummer.
- The good old days of parties are long gone. As in, you can basically kiss your hopes of meeting someone at a party goodbye. You would have more luck meeting someone on the subway or at Whole Foods. I was hit on at a Halloween party by a Seth Rogen lookalike in my second year of college and I shrugged it off. Now I realize how rare that was (and would probably have gone out with him if that happened now – sigh).
- Holiday parties demand romance. Whether it’s your friend’s trendy Christmakah party (R.I.P. The O.C.) or your aunt’s Christmas Eve dinner party, if it’s holiday themed it’s pretty rough for the single girl. People will definitely notice your lack of plus one and will ask you all kinds of questions about your dating life. You can have all the witty comebacks in the world handy but you’re still going to hate flying solo to a holiday party, it’s just a fact.
- Drunk selfies happen. Enough said.
- You are super aware of your singleness. There’s nothing worse than an adorable PDA-happy couple at a party. You’re sorry, you’re not trying to stare at them in a creepy way at all, but you just wish you had what they have. You want someone to drag to a boring party and to go home with when you’ve had enough. Plus a significant other can give you a pretty awesome excuse for bailing (sorry, my BF’s coming down with a cold — yeah, it came on pretty quickly).
- People have to work tomorrow. Yup, even on the weekend. Welcome to the real world.
