To some extent, we’re all looking for “The One” – the guy who will love us unconditionally, and make living every day even better than the last. But for some reason, the more time that goes by, the more we let our standards slip. We need to remember that we’re still worthy of that ideal guy we used to dream about before we were jaded by bad experiences and the crushing fear of ending up alone. The first step in recovery is identifying where we’ve gone wrong and why we keep picking guys that don’t deserve us. Standards, prepare to be raised.
We’re afraid to be alone.
Granted, it sucks to think about a future of spending Saturday nights alone with your cat and bottle of wine. But just because you’re single right now doesn’t mean you always will be. Don’t take your “me” time for granted, either, because there will come a day where getting a second of peace is no small feat.
We care too much what other people think.
So what if people are constantly asking you when you’re going to get married and have kids? If they care about you, they’d rather see you single than with a guy who isn’t worth your time.
We’re desperate not to be “the single one”.
Being the only one in your friend group who’s single is the worst. But does that mean you should keep bringing losers on group hangs just so you don’t have to be the odd one out every time? Being “the single one” is infinitely better than being “the one who always settles”.
We have low self-esteem.
Your sense of self worth should never be tied up in whether you have a guy to prove to everyone that you are, in fact, dateable. “Single” isn’t a dirty word, so stop making it one.
We’ve lost faith in love.
Sometimes the person you fall head over heels in love with isn’t The One. Love doesn’t always conquer all, so why hold out for it? It might seem easier to settle for Mr. Right Now, but you’re only making it harder for yourself in the long run.
We don’t think we can do any better.
When we get hung up on the idea that there’s no why we’ll find anyone better than our current love interest, we tend to be focusing on his one or two extraordinary qualities without looking at the full picture. You might not find someone with better abs than this one, but — shocking, I know — abs aren’t everything.
We don’t think we deserve better.
We’ve all done that self-sabotaging thing where we look at the object of our affection and think, “There’s no way he’s going to want me.” So we settle for someone we think is more on our level. But how do you really know if you don’t try?
We think we can change him.
He might not be exactly what we’re looking for at first, but people can change, right? What girl doesn’t want to be the one to reform the bad boy? Reality check: he’s not going to change. Don’t waste your time.
We put others needs before our own.
Has a guy ever made you feel like you owed him another chance? He’s the one who can’t be alone, and he needs you to stick around whether it’s what you want or not. The sooner you realize this guy only cares about himself and kick him to the curb (no matter how much he begs), the better.
We want to feel superior.
Do you like being the one who makes more money, who has lots of friends, and the one who actually has their crap together? Do yourself a favor and try pursuing guys who will offer a little more competition instead of the ones who are perfectly content to sit back and watch you be the successful one. You’ll realize there’s room for two successful people in a relationship.
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