10 Reasons Why Dating Nice Guys Gets Such A Bad Rap

The interesting thing about dating guys that are genuinely decent is that when you’re not ready for them, they can seem boring and predictable, or even annoying. When you’re ready to stop dating mysterious (read: toxic) men, nice guys can feel like the best thing ever. Here’s why dating nice guys might make you get eye rolls from your friends, but why that’s total BS.

  1. Nice is misconstrued as boring. The thing with nice guys is that they are straightforward and will call you when they said they would. This is great, but sometimes it can become a bit predictable to some people. For example, you might find that your nice guy never surprises you with a spontaneous date. While that can be something to talk about with your guy, the truth is that being safe and chilled isn’t the same thing as being bored!
  2. There’s no drama. Yes, you don’t want drama in your life, but sometimes a little can be fun, right? A nice guy isn’t going to bring you the same drama that a bad boy will, which – again – is a good thing. But, if you’re not ready for someone who’s living life drama-free, you might associate it with being a snooze fest, which isn’t necessarily the case.
  3. People think you’re settling. When you meet a nice guy, you feel calm instead of in absolute tatters. When your friends see this change in you, they might think that you’re just settling for the guy instead of really into him. They’re just not used to seeing you act all calm and carefree on a date, so they assume it means you’re not that into the guy. Wrong!
  4. It seems like you’re controlling. Some people might see nice guys as being annoying because of how they let their women take charge. If you’re in this situation, you might worry that you’re being seen as someone who wants to be controlling. But let’s be real: how regularly did toxic guys you dated let you take the reins, or actually care about your feelings? Exactly. That’s why dating the nice guy is refreshing.
  5. People think you’re blinded by him. Here’s the thing: not all nice guys are genuinely nice! Some nice guys might seem smiley and fun while being eager to please, but they might actually be putting that on as an act to try to impress you so you don’t see what they’re really like. That’s why dating a nice guy requires you to keep your guard up, just like you should do with all types of guys so that you spot any red flags. Just because you’re dating a nice guy, though, it doesn’t mean that you’re blinded by them and not seeing their true agenda.
  6. People don’t get what you really want. You might feel misunderstood when dating a self-proclaimed nice guy because he has such different qualities from what you’re used to looking for in a man. But maybe you’ve started dating nice guys because they’ve shown you what you really want from a relationship, such as consistency, proper communication, and no damn dating games.
  7. People don’t see beyond the niceness. It’s great that you’ve bagged a nice guy, but you might hate how he gets a bad rap for being nothing but nice. This is certainly not the case. Many nice guys are interesting because they’ve got so many other great characteristics that you love and really want. Their niceness is just one part of them, but not who they are entirely.
  8. Your friends hate that you’re being private. An interesting change that you’ll experience when dating nice guys is that you no longer feel like you have to spill out to your friends about your relationship. There’s no drama and mixed messages, so you don’t feel the need to confide in your friends and sit there dissecting the guy’s texts for hours on end. When you take all that stress and anxiety away, you can focus on other things because your relationship feels solid. So solid, in fact, that you can keep things private.
  9. You know uncertainty is a dating killer. It’s a big misconception that women want the bad boy or the guy who leaves them hanging as this boosts their interest. Whatever! The truth is that you’re getting all your needs satisfied by the nice guy and he’s appealing because he doesn’t make you feel like dating is a minefield. You won’t have to stress that he’s going to go AWOL for the next three weeks. He’s not the type to do that to you.
  10. Nice guys show you your own fears. Remember when we said that dating nice guys can actually be a great experience? It’s true. You might be anti-nice guy simply because of how dating this kind of guy can feel a little self-conscious. There are no games and mixed messages, beneath which you can hide. It’s all about clarity, transparency, and honesty. This is fantastic, but if you’re not in the right headspace right now, it might make you want to run for the hills. When you date a no-BS nice guy, you come face-to-face with your deepest relationship fears. Let the realness begin!

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.