10 Reasons Why You Keep Going Back And Forth In A Relationship

Stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship? You might not realize that you’re stuck in a toxic trap. Here are 10 reasons why you keep going back to your partner only to leave them again when you realize that things really aren’t going to work between you.

  1. You’re not ready to walk away. While you might tell your friends you won’t go back to your partner ever again after the last breakup, soon you find yourself walking back to them. What’s going on? You might feel that you’re not quite ready to leave the relationship for good… just yet. There are good reasons why.
  2. You’re stuck on the good times. It’s easy to go back to this person because once you leave, all the memories of the good times come rushing back to you. The problem is that you ignore all the reasons why you walked away in the first place, and this can mean that you’re returning to a relationship that’s not actually satisfying you as much as it should.
  3. You’re seeing them through rose-tinted glasses. You might be seeing your partner’s amazing traits and totally ignoring the negative traits that cause you to fight so much. This might happen when you break up with your partner yet again, and it can cause you to fear you’ve lost them for good. It’s healthy to get insight from your loved ones about your relationship so you can get some outside perspective.
  4. You fear being single. If you’re going to break things off with your partner for good, you might fear that you’re going to battle with being single. This is especially true if you’ve been in a long-term relationship with your partner. But this fear doesn’t mean that you’re going to dread being single. In fact, it might actually be an amazing experience, so it shouldn’t hold you back or keep you stuck in a yo-yo relationship.
  5. You fear your work will go to waste. While you’re not saying that you turned your boyfriend into the amazing guy he is, you sure played a role in it. Perhaps you helped him to become stronger and more responsible, or eliminate his demons. The thought of breaking up with him only for some other woman to reap all the hard work you put in might make you feel jealous and want to stick with him. But ask yourself if he’s really right for you.
  6. You’re super comfy. You might find that this relationship is comfortable, much more comfortable than having to meet someone new and do everything from scratch. It might also just be convenient. But is that a good enough reason to stay with your partner?
  7. You can’t live without them. You might feel terror at the thought of not having this person in your life, especially if you have a long history with them. But then the truth is that you also feel you can’t live with them, which is why you keep breaking up. Yup, it’s confusing and draining.
  8. You’re not a quitter. Maybe you pride yourself on being the type of person who never gives up. While that’s great and will make you work hard to save your relationship, it’s not always going to work – especially if the person you’re dating isn’t putting in the same amount of work. Sometimes the truth is that your relationship isn’t worth fighting for, even though it’s such a big part of your life.
  9. You’re tangled up in each other’s life. Maybe you and your partner share a lot of friends, or you’re such a big part of each other’s families that ending the relationship with them for good will make you worry you’ll never properly break free from each other. Again, don’t let this stop you from chasing a bright future and being happy.
  10. You don’t want to end your relationship goals. Maybe you had plans for enjoying an exciting, happy future with your partner, and you just don’t want to give up on that (yet). You need to take some time out and figure out if staying in the relationship will be worth it or if you’re going to be sabotaging a brighter future you can have by getting out of the relationship for good. Remember, sometimes what’s in your head is not the same as the reality that’s in front of you.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.