10 Reasons You’re Only His Hookup, Not His Girlfriend

You guys hang out all the time and you’re certainly connecting with him between the sheets, but he still isn’t asking you out on actual dates or making moves towards developing a real relationship outside the bedroom. Why are you only his hookup when you could be so much more? Here are 1o reasons.

  1. You’ve both jumped in too fast. Now, let’s get something clear: there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if you’re both feeling it. But if you’re looking for a committed, exclusive relationship, it’s probably best to take things a little slower so that you get an emotional investment on his part (and yours) as a foundation to build upon.
  2. You’re showing him your anxiety. While it’s good to be open about how you feel, you shouldn’t put your anxiety about him on display. If you don’t trust him or you’re always insecure about how he feels about you and you show it, this can make him feel that you’re insecure or you’re going to bring drama to the table. Besides, you should be spending more time thinking about if he’s right for you! He’s not the most important person here.
  3. You’re way too much of a yes girl. He wants you to drive to his house in the early hours and spend time with him (in other words, have sex). You’re half asleep and exhausted but you go anyway. He changes plans at the last minute and you’re all, “It’s no problem!” He invites you to his place on a Saturday night AGAIN even though you were hoping for a real date in public, and – you guessed it – you’re “totally fine with it!” If you’re always trying to please him, he’s going to see you as being too willing to make him happy. After a while, that might become a little too convenient for him.
  4. You’re waiting for him.  If you allow him to treat you badly by letting him rock up late to dates or not saying anything when he doesn’t call yet again, then you’re basically showing him you don’t have any self-love. It’s not sending girlfriend vibes. Who wants to be with someone who has no respect for themselves?
  5. You’re allowing him to be lazy. If you’re always available for him and he doesn’t have to put in any work, he’s going to become lazy and go with the flow. He’ll see you as being super-convenient in his life, and this will feel like a holiday from the challenges associated with trying to get into a real, committed relationship.
  6. You’re always on about your ex. Although it can be a good thing to have the ex chat early on so you can both move on from the past, it’s no good if you’re always talking about your ex who broke your heart and gave you trust issues. This guy’s going to think that you’re not girlfriend material simply because you’re showing signs that you’re not looking for anything serious. How can you be when the other dude’s always on your mind?
  7. You’re not focused on your own life. One of the most important qualities guys look for in a potential girlfriend is if she’s got her own life that she’s loving to bits. This shows she’s well-rounded and isn’t waiting around for him to complete her. If you’re always too eager to make him number one and you don’t show him that you’ve got a full, exciting life, it can make him think you just don’t value yourself or that you’re stuck in a boring life you hate. Who wants to be with someone like that?
  8. You’re playing too hard to get. Now, it might be good to hold back a bit and let him put in as much effort as you are putting in so that the relationship is balanced. But, it’s a bad thing to play so hard to get that he thinks you’re just not interested. This could make him think you guys would be better suited to a hookup instead of a relationship.
  9. You’re not telling him what you want. It’s easy for two people who’ve started dating to assume they’re looking for the same thing when in reality, they could be on completely different planets. If you’re not telling him what you’re looking for straight off the bat, then he might just assume you’re keen on being nothing more than a fling. Don’t waste your time by keeping quiet!
  10. You’re all about the fun. Yes, you want your dates with him to be memorable so that he wants to see you again, and it’s good to focus on planning fun dates, but that doesn’t mean you should only work on having fun with the guy. What about really talking and sharing your dreams, wants, and passions? That’s how you get to really see if you’re compatible or not, otherwise, you’re just someone he can have fun with, but nothing more.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.