10 Sex Tips You Haven’t Heard A Million Times Before

When it comes to sex tips, we usually hear the same things over and over again: Communicate! Be in the moment! Never fake an orgasm! Be sex positive! While all these are great and legit tips, they’re not exactly groundbreaking and are fairly run of the mill. If you want to improve your sex life, you need sex tips that you haven’t heard over and over and over again.

  1. Do your Kegel exercises during intercourse. You’re never too young to start doing your Kegel exercises. While your gynecologist may not mention them to you until after childbirth, as they’re great for incontinence and keeping your uterus intact, as soon as you start having a sex, Kegels immediately become your friends because they strengthen the pelvic floor, leading to stronger and more frequent orgasms. However, if you can incorporate those Kegel exercises— the contracting and releasing of the vaginal walls and pelvic floor muscles—during intercourse, it doesn’t only feel better for both you and your partner but you increase your orgasm chances, even if your clitoris isn’t being stimulated. Try it; you’ll see.
  2. Use technology for foreplay. It’s no secret that foreplay is essential, especially for women. On average, it takes about 20 minutes for a woman to get aroused and properly lubricated naturally. When a woman is aroused, sex is automatically better, obviously. But thanks to technology, foreplay comes in all shapes and sizes now. For example, if you plan to get some when you get home after work, start sending dirty texts or tantalizing photos in advance. That way, when you walk through the door, you’re both ready to go as your arousal will be at its peak.
  3. Masturbate often, especially if you’re in a relationship. No matter your relationship status, masturbation should just be a regular part of your routine because it’s so damn good for you. But just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should put masturbation on hold. In fact, masturbating regularly will keep you feeling sexy, make your sex life with your partner better, and inspire you to explore and experiment more. I also highly recommend mutual masturbation, so you and your partner can teach each other about your bodies and what you do and don’t like.
  4. Learn the art of “edging.” If you’ve yet to try edging or haven’t even heard of it, then this is a major sex tip worth pocketing. Edging is when you bring yourself to the edge of orgasm—hence the name—then you let it go away. Whether you do this with a partner or do it solo, edging over and over is the easiest way to experience an orgasm that is truly out of this world. The only difficult part is having the willpower to back away from an orgasm, instead of giving into to it.
  5. There’s no such thing as “weird” sex. Human sexuality is complicated AF. Since this is the case, there’s no such thing as “weird” sex, nor is someone weird, strange, gross, creepy, or any other negative adjective just because their sexual desires might differ from your sexual desires. As long as those who are engaging in the sex act are consenting adults who are into it, then there’s no room for judgment.
  6. Educate yourself on your body parts. If you want to be really good at something, you need to be educated on the topic. What this means is that if you’re having sex but have zero clue where your vulva is, the difference between the labia majora and labia minora, and have yet to learn about the very real fact that your clitoris is far larger than it looks, as the exposed part is just a small percentage of the whole organ then you’re not having the best sex you can have. The same goes if you have sex with men—if you don’t know where the glans of his penis is or where you can find his perineum (or that you have a perineum too) then it’s time to sit down and educate yourself. It’s only in understanding these body parts and how they work that you can experience them to the fullest extent.
  7. Don’t try to have sex like a porn star. One of the most important sex tips you’ll ever read is this one: Do not, under any circumstances, try to have sex like a pornstar. Pornstarstars are entertainers and deliberately get into certain positions for the camera and engage in behavior that fulfills people’s fantasies. While it’s admirable that you might want to straddle your partner with six-inch platform Lucite pumps, it’s not going to end well.
  8. There’s no shame in using lube, so use it. When it comes to lube, it’s often considered something that mostly older women have to use after menopause because their vagina no longer naturally lubricates, but that’s not entirely true. Women, of all ages, can benefit from using lube during intercourse because there’s no such thing as being too wet. So always have some within reach.
  9. It’s more about the journey than the end result. For many people, having an orgasm during sex is the most important part of the romp. But, not to burst anyone’s bubble, it really isn’t. Since a whopping 75 to 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, an orgasm-finish isn’t always a guarantee for some women. Because of this, an important sex tip to take to heart is to realize that it’s about the journey of having sex with someone rather than how it ends. If you place too much importance on having an orgasm, you’ll stress yourself out and won’t feel satisfied if you don’t climax. There’s still a lot of satisfaction to be had even if you don’t orgasm, so don’t put too much emphasis on it. Although…
  10. It’s more than OK to demand you orgasm too. The orgasm gap between men and women still exists and it’s still very wide, meaning it needs to be closed up. Even if you can’t orgasm during intercourse, that doesn’t mean you should have to go without entirely. In a 2015 interview, Nicki Minaj said that she demands that she climaxes every time she has sex. So if you can’t get there through P-in-V action, your partner should get you there with his fingers, mouth, or a vibrator. Fair is fair.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.