It can be difficult to determine whether the guy you’re seeing is just distracted by something or legitimately doesn’t care about your feelings when he’s being a jerk. Does he just suck at communicating or just not give a damn about you? Both things are serious issues, but while communication skills can be improved, a guy who disregards you and doesn’t give a crap about how his words and actions affect you just needs to go. Here’s how you know he couldn’t care less.
He avoids spending time with you. There’s always an excuse for why he can’t get together with you. Either something more important comes up, he’s super busy at work, or he’d rather hang out with his friends. It seems like there doesn’t even have to be a good reason why he doesn’t want to be with you. Any reason will do.
He doesn’t listen. It may seem like he never remembers things you tell him. That fabulous story you told him about how you got your middle name? When you tell someone at a party, he doesn’t even remember your middle name, let alone the story behind it. He’s not listening to you most of the time and the more he forgets, the more obvious it is.
He never asks what you think. Your feelings and thoughts aren’t a concern for him. He’s more focused on what he thinks and feels. Even when he knows you’re upset, he won’t ask what you’re upset about. If he doesn’t bother to ask what you think or feel, it is because he doesn’t care.
He does things you’ve told him are hurtful. You have already told him it bothers you when he doesn’t call if he’s going to be late. Yet he’s half an hour late and you have no idea why because he hasn’t called. Even if you make it clear that specific actions or words are hurting you, he doesn’t take steps to change it.
He crosses your boundaries. If you’ve talked about boundaries and been clear about yours, it would be logical to think that he would keep them in mind and be careful not to cross them. The guy who doesn’t care about your feelings will step over them without a thought. He probably won’t even realize he’s doing it because he wasn’t listening in the first place. Your boundaries don’t matter to him.
He never takes your side. Ever. When you’re out with friends, if you get into a debate with someone, he won’t step in to take your side. Even if he agrees with you, it doesn’t occur to him that you might like it if he backed you up. If someone insults you in public, he won’t step up to defend you either. He’s on one side – his.
He breaks promises. If you push him, he’ll promise things, but a promise means very little to him when it comes to your feelings. He doesn’t take promises seriously. They are just a tool to make you stop asking him for something, even if it’s important to you.
He cancels dates. When he does agree to see you, he cancels your plans a lot. More often than not, he does so last minute, which means you won’t have time to find someone else to go to that wedding with you or the concert that you really want to see. It means nothing to him when he cancels a date with you because how you feel about it is not his concern.
He lies. He’ll tell you whatever he needs to tell you to keep you where he wants you to be – waiting for him. He lies to cover his ass or to give you the answers he thinks you want. The truth would matter if he cared how you felt, but he doesn’t. He lies to make things easier for himself.
He leaves you unfulfilled. In so many ways. You are unfulfilled emotionally. He makes you feel unimportant and unvalued. The truth is, he doesn’t see your value, and he doesn’t think you’re important. He leaves you unfulfilled in bed, too. As long as he gets what he wants, that’s all that matters. He doesn’t care about your orgasm.
If you’re with a man that just ticks off those boxes, it is time to realize that he doesn’t care about your feelings and nothing you do or say will change that. It’s not work. It’s not that he can’t communicate. He just doesn’t care. Not all men are like that though! It’s time to move on!