10 Signs He’s Only Your “Friend” Because He Wants To Sleep With You

It’s absolutely possible for all genders to maintain completely platonic friendships, but every once in a while, you might befriend someone who wants to be more than just your pal. If he’s doing these things, he’s probably only trying to be your friend because he wants to sleep with you and hopes you’ll eventually feel the same.

  1. He’s constantly making “jokes” about you two getting together. Wouldn’t it be SO funny if you guys got drunk and ended up hooking up? You find the idea less humorous and more awkward, and honestly, it’s not even really a joke for him, either. He’s just doing this to test the waters and gauge your reaction to potentially being more than friends with him. He gets a free pass for doing this once or twice, but if it’s a regular thing, he doesn’t just have friendship on his mind.
  2. He disappears whenever you get a boyfriend. Real friends stick around whenever you find yourself coupled up, but a guy who’s only your “friend” because he thinks it’s his free ticket to sex isn’t going to waste his time with you when you’re clearly off the market. If he’s constantly texting you when you’re single, but always “busy” once you start seeing someone new, he was never actually your friend in the first place.
  3. He whines a lot about the “friend zone.” This is a clear sign that he’s bitter about the fact that you (and probably a lot of other women he associates with) have yet to offer him a lifetime supply of oral sex even though you seem to actually enjoy spending time around him. His constant complaining obviously does nothing to increase your desire to sleep with him, but he likely thinks that by turning himself into a martyr, you’ll be overcome with sympathy and have pity sex with him.
  4. He goes out of his way to do overly nice things for you. Yes, friends are SUPPOSED to do nice things for each other. But if he’s constantly spending too much money on gifts for you or going beyond what you’d do for even your best friends, a platonic relationship isn’t what he has in mind.
  5. He always acts like you owe him. Maybe he really is just someone who takes his BFFs out to dinner at fancy restaurants or spends half his paycheck on expensive things for their birthday. Maybe. The problem arises when he starts to make you feel guilty for not giving him anything in return. A lot of guys who spoil their “friends” like this  are doing it with the idea that you’ll feel guilty for turning him down for sex now that he’s given you so much. If he acts like you’re in his debt even once, cut him out of your life immediately.
  6. He talks crap about every guy you’re interested in. This one’s too ugly, that one’s too cocky, and THAT one “just gives him a bad vibe.” No guy you ever crush on seems able to gain this dude’s approval. You either have really terrible taste in men, or your “friend” is just trying to make sure you get tunnel vision for the only guy he thinks you should be sleeping with: him.
  7. He’s always trying to hang out with you alone. Rather than going out and doing fun things in public, he always wants to just hang out at your place and watch a movie. And it’s always at night. Weird, right? This guy just wants to make sure you two are already in the perfect position to have some R-rated fun once he makes his move. Yup, your “friend” wants to sleep with you, alright.
  8. He gets weirdly possessive of you. When you’re out in a group, he’ll butt into any conversation you’re having with another guy. He’ll make a concentrated effort to touch you or tell everyone stories about things that you two did together. This is his way of “marking his territory” so that no one else feels comfortable flirting with you. A guy who’s really just your friend will WANT you to find someone to date or just hook up with; a guy you has ulterior motives will try to make sure he’s the only option you have left.
  9. He criticizes your appearance. In his mind, you’re already “his”, so he might think nothing of saying that your skirt is too shirt or you’re wearing too much makeup. He might be doing this as a form of negging or because he’s jealous of the attention you’re getting from other guys. True friends will encourage you to rock whatever makes you feel good, so kick this guy right out of your life if he’s making you feel self-conscious.
  10. He brags about his sexual conquests. To be fair, a lot of BFFs gossip about their sexual experiences, but there’s a difference between chatting about it and bragging about it. A guy who tells you how awesome he is in bed and how the girl he (totally) slept with last week “couldn’t handle his massive penis” is either trying to make you jealous or thinks that you’ll be so impressed that you’ll tear your clothes off and jump his bones. Surprise, buddy — that’s not how it works.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.