10 Signs He’s Insecure And Controlling

No, Drake — jealousy isn’t just love and hate at the same time. Having a boyfriend who wants to punch every dude that looks your way is not a symptom that comes with caring about someone too much. It’s a flashing red light that tells you the person you’re with has some major insecurity and control issues that if left undealt with can make for a bad situation. If he does these things, you need to reexamine just who it is you’re with:

  1. He monitors your social media way too closely. If someone is the first to like every Instagram and sends you a text wanting to know the meaning behind every retweet and it’s NOT your mom, then run. That level of social media creepiness is only okay from the woman who gave you life. When a guy puts that much focus on your feed it isn’t sweet; it’s scary.
  2. He has strict rules about what he wants you to wear. At first, it could seem like an innocent protective boyfriend move. He only wants you to cover up your cleavage because he’s worried some creep might hit on you, right? No. Real, secure men are okay with their ladies wearing whatever the hell they want. Chances are, you’re not sporting tassels and cheekies to your girls’ night, so there’s no need for him to police your fashion choices.
  3. He’s made you think you were acting promiscuous before. Whether it was five years ago when you were single and kissed a stranger at a dive bar or if you were dancing in the vicinity of other males last weekend, he has a history of making you feel bad about any kind of sexuality you exhibit. Your boyfriend isn’t supposed to make you feel like an 80-year-old woman who’s sex life is just a thing of past. He’s supposed to bring you life and make you feel like the sexiest version of yourself. And if he’s not doing that, then you need to dump him.
  4. He’s wary of literally every male in your life. Forget having any guy friends havingForget having any guy friends or even being close to your male cousin. Boyfriends who are jealous are jealous of any dude who’s getting your attention. Because that means he’s not getting it. You’ll hear how every guy is just trying to sleep with you, and you’ll be in a constant tug-of-war between the other men in your life and your boyfriend. It’s exhausting.
  5. He doesn’t encourage you to do anything you want. A girl with dreams is a girl with a potential to realize that the jealous tendencies of her boyfriend are something she’s outgrown. So no, he’s not going to applaud your vision board or your idea to start your own business. He wants to keep you small so he can keep you for himself. It’s not endearing, and it’s only because he’s insecure and needs someone there who will constantly stroke his fragile ego. Good boyfriends encourage your dreams and support your ideas.
  6. He’s told you how insecure he is (and somehow made you feel like that was your problem). He makes it seem like you’re the only thing in his life that makes him feel good about himself. So if you left, what would he have? There’s nothing like an overwhelming pressure of being the only source of someone’s happiness to keep you in a crappy relationship.
  7. He makes you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends. When you’re out, he’ll constantly text you and ask when you’re coming home. He wants to tag along on literally everything you do because the idea of you doing anything alone makes him super nervous. Your individuality is something he’s trying to get rid of because the less of it you have, the more likely you are to stay with him despite his jealousy.
  8. He makes you feel guilty for hanging out with your family. Literally anyone who takes the attention away from him is a threat, and he’s going to make you feel like crap for being without him. It’s not normal.
  9. He makes you feel guilty for doing pretty much anything that doesn’t involve him (work, exercise, eating, sleeping, etc.). He’s made it pretty clear that his whole life revolves around you and what you’re doing. So it’s only fair to him that you do the same. The only guys you should date are the ones who want you to have your own life. Anyone else is nuts, and you shouldn’t be with them.
  10. Whenever you tell him he’s acting nuts, he just claims it’s all because he loves you so much. Even when he’s mean and unpredictable, he makes it sound like it’s coming from a good place. While pretty words and teary eyes could make it look like love, don’t be fooled. It all stems from insecurity and that’s something he needs to deal with — without you.
Emily is a writer, dog mom, and occasional narcissist living in what her mom refers to as “a bubble.” Geographically speaking, it’s more like Daytona Beach, Florida. A graduate of the University of Central Florida, she is a community editor for a local newspaper and spends most of her time trying to convince her dog to cuddle.