10 Signs Of A Petty Person And How To Deal With Them

Dealing with a petty person can suck every bit of energy and happiness out of your soul. They’re draining to be around and really toxic to boot, but you might not even recognize them at first — that’s how sly and underhanded their methods can be. If you notice a person having these behaviors, they’re definitely pretty spiteful.

1. They’re easily offended by everything.

Angry young couple sulking on each other during quarrel at home

People who sweat the small stuff, to the point where every little thing seems like a personal jab, often fall into the petty category. They’re the ones who might take a generic joke or a passing comment as a direct insult. It’s a hair-trigger sensitivity that turns casual conversations into minefields.

2. They want to get revenge when they think they’ve been wronged.

two female friends sitting back to back

If someone always seems to be keeping score and itching to settle the score, that’s petty behavior in action. It’s not just about standing up for themselves; it’s about getting even. Whether it’s a perceived slight or an actual error, their focus is on retribution, not resolution.

4. They openly hate on people they’re jealous of.

Petty people often wear their jealousy on their sleeve, not shy about showing disdain for those they envy. They might make snarky comments about someone’s new car or roll their eyes at a colleague’s praise. Instead of feeling motivated or happy for others’ successes, they view them as a spotlight on their own perceived shortcomings. This behavior is a defense mechanism, a way to cope with the discomfort of envy by putting others down.

4. They hold grudges over the tiniest things.

A petty person holds onto minor slights with an iron grip, often making mountains out of molehills. The grudges are long-lived and can be brought up repeatedly, even if everyone else has moved on. These prolonged grievances are less about seeking justice and more about not letting go of hurt feelings.

5. They’re extremely competitive.

Stressed. Young dark-haired man sitting with an unhappy look

There’s healthy competition, and then there’s pettiness. Petty individuals view every situation as a contest and they need to come out on top. Their competitiveness goes beyond striving for personal bests; it’s about outdoing others, even in situations where competition is neither healthy nor necessary.

6. They’re passive-aggressive or use the silent treatment.

sad woman on edge of bed with boyfriend

Those who lean towards pettiness often resort to passive-aggressive behavior instead of addressing issues head-on. They might make sarcastic comments, leave snide notes, or employ the silent treatment as a way of expressing their displeasure. It’s an indirect approach to conflict that avoids direct confrontation but creates an uncomfortable atmosphere for everyone involved.

7. They nitpick over the smallest details.

Unhappy couple having crisis and difficulties in relationship

Petty individuals have a tendency to focus on insignificant mistakes or flaws, often blowing them out of proportion. They can make a big deal out of a misplaced comma in an email or a slightly misaligned picture frame. It’s an attention to trivialities that can feel overbearing and unnecessary, and often leaves people walking on eggshells around them.

8. You find yourself being petty around them.

Petty behavior can be contagious. You might notice that you’re getting caught up in the pettiness when around them, sweating the small stuff or engaging in gossip. It’s a sign their behavior is influencing the social environment, dragging others into the minutiae that wouldn’t normally be a blip on their radar.

9. They’re mean and vindictive.

When pettiness escalates, it can manifest as outright meanness or vindictiveness. People showing these signs might seek to hurt others in response to real or imagined slights. Their actions are often disproportionate to the situation, and they may take pleasure in the misfortune of others, a behavior known as schadenfreude.

10. They’re always spreading gossip, most of it untrue.

A hallmark of pettiness is the love of gossip, especially the kind that tarnishes another’s reputation. A petty person thrives on the drama that gossip creates and often isn’t concerned with the truth of the matter. Spreading rumors becomes a way to wield power or control within a group, even if it’s at someone else’s expense.

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Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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