10 Signs Of A Selfish Partner And How To Cope

Relationships, if they’re happy and healthy, are meant to be 50/50. Both people should be putting in the same level of attention, affection, and care. There’s nothing worse than dating a selfish partner who’s number one priority is themselves. Here are some signs that your partner is too busy thinking about #1 to worry about you. Open your eyes and see him for what he is!

  1. He’s more interested in what you do than who you are. Instead of caring about who you are, it often feels like he’s only interested in what you can do – more specifically, what you can do for him. For example, he might become sparkly-eyed when you get a promotion at work because he thinks you’ll be able to fund his lifestyle. It’s all about what he can get from you.
  2. He’s all about what he wants. He wants to go skiing on your next holiday and that’s final. He doesn’t even ask if you’d like to do that or do something else instead. He will surprise you with tickets to a concert, even though he’s not sure if you’d like to go and then he acts like you should be bouncing off the walls with joy. Ugh. It’s best to speak up about this so that you get to do what you want to do.
  3. He doesn’t ask the follow-ups. Having a conversation with him usually reaches a dead-end fast because he doesn’t ask you follow-up questions. He might just change the subject, usually onto him, and then what you were saying is totally swept aside. It will make you feel that he just doesn’t care about you and what’s going on with you.
  4. He drowns out your voice. He usually jumps into the conversation and cuts you off. He loves to drown out your voice. Yeah, when you confront him about it he might say he’s just really excited and can’t keep his mouth shut, but that’s not a good enough excuse. He’s making you feel like your voice and thoughts don’t matter. You have to talk to him about how this behavior makes you feel otherwise it won’t stop.
  5. He chases his own pleasure. He’s selfish AF in the bedroom. He wants to do what he wants, such as skip foreplay, and once he gets his pleasure he leaves – he might not even spend time chatting and/or cuddling afterward. Wow, way to make you feel like a piece of meat! Try talking to him about what you need in the bedroom. He should be willing to listen and meet you halfway if he’s in this relationship for the right reasons.
  6. He’s always playing the defense. If you ask him something that he’s done to piss you off and he’s quick to become defensive, that’s a sign he doesn’t want to listen to you or take responsibility for his actions. He just wants to write it off and shoot you down. It can make you avoid asking him stuff or confronting him about issues, but don’t do that because it will just lead to resentment.
  7. He doesn’t accept your choices. While he wants to do whatever he feels like, when you want to do something that doesn’t involve him he’s quick to become angry, sad, or he acts like a baby. What the hell? He wants to spend time with you when it’s convenient for him, and he expects you to be there when he needs you. If he can’t accept that you have a life, he shouldn’t be in your life.
  8. He’s romantic when he wants something. If he wants your forgiveness for something he’s done, he’ll throw on the charm. When he wants to have sex, he’ll be extra nice to you. It’s dodgy AF. If he’s dating you, you should feel that his love is consistent, not that it’s being used to manipulate you or help him get his way.
  9. He never premeditates your needs. He’s all about his own needs, but what about yours? While you obviously can’t expect him to know what you want and need ’cause he’s not psychic, he should think about making you feel happy and satisfied in the relationship. If he’s not doing that, then it can make you feel alone in the relationship. Talk to him about what you need and give him a chance to step up to the plate.
  10. He threatens to end things. A guy who’s selfish might take things to the extreme, such as by threatening to end the relationship if you don’t see things his way or compromise. Meanwhile, he’s never the person to man up and compromise with you. It’s so freaking frustrating and honestly? It’s toxic.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.