While it’s normal to overanalyze things sometimes, especially early on in a relationship when things are new and your trust isn’t completely solid yet, this practice can become extremely problematic if it goes too far. Here are 10 signs that overthinking is ruining your relationship.
- You read too far into texts. When you read a text, you create this entire story surrounding it. You fill in the blanks as if you know the answers. Someone will just tell you that they’re going to be late, but you assume that it means they hate you or they’re not coming at all. You drive yourself crazy doing this! Instead of just taking someone at their word, you blow it up.
- You always think of the doomsday scenario. You spiral down the rabbit hole about all the things that could possibly go wrong. Your fears have fears! When your partner isn’t answering, you begin to go to the worst possible scenario. You think about how they don’t love you anymore and they’re obviously going to leave you. This kind of overthinking is driving you (and your partner) crazy.
- You think people are lying or hiding something from you. Overthinking has you paranoid. You have all these ideas in your mind about what’s going on and they aren’t based in reality. As a result, you regularly think that your partner is lying or hiding something from you. You can’t shake the feeling that you just can’t trust them. This comes from pure fear. It makes you super paranoid.
- You’re not able to be present. You’re so in your head that you’re lifted right out of the present moment. You find yourself saying “huh?” a lot or drifting off into space. That’s because your mind is on the past and the future rather than the here and now. Your partner feels like you don’t care because you’re hardly ever really there with them.
- You have a lot of unresolved trauma. Trauma is a terrible thing. It plagues many people. Maybe you have a history of violence in your home, so you overthink about how your trauma can possibly replay itself. You seldom feel safe, even with your loving partner. Your trauma tells you that there’s constantly something wrong and that you should run or hide.
- You’re incredibly insecure. You feel insecure and not confident in yourself and your abilities, so you’re constantly judging and questioning yourself. You feel like you’re totally incapable of doing most things in life. In relationships, this translates to not feeling like you’re good enough for your partner. This then puts pressure on your partner to make you feel okay, and that’s not their job.
- You’re filled with anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t always mean your relationship is being ruined, but when it’s coupled with overthinking, it can definitely be problematic. Anxiety makes you worry about the future and past. It gives you bodily sensations that can make you feel like you’re dying. While someone isn’t likely to abandon their partner for having anxiety, when you let it run the show is when it’s too much of a problem, like acting out of anger because you’re anxious.
- You require constant reassurance. Your partner can’t tell you enough that you’re okay and what you’re doing is okay. This gets really old and can run a partner ragged. You should be leaning on your own reassurance but instead, you turn to other people. There’s no limit to your desire for this. The thing is that even when you get it the reassurance still doesn’t do the trick.
- Being in a relationship is REALLY hard. Your brain is on constant overdrive. You’re always overthinking about whether they like you, why they aren’t texting, what they’re really thinking, etc. You’re not able to just relax because you regularly think something must be wrong. Sure, relationships can all be challenges, but it goes a little too far for you.
- You create problems that don’t exist. You’ve created a story in your head out of worry about what your partner’s intentions or actions are. Are you sensing a pattern here? A lot of overthinking is making things up in your mind. You do this to the point where you’ve crafted an entire problem out of nothing. It’s very difficult to be with someone who’s doing this.
