10 Signs Your Partner Is Treating You Like A Placeholder

You’re getting dressed up, going on dates, celebrating anniversaries, and doing everything a person in a relationship would do. There’s just one problem: your boyfriend knows it won’t last. He likes you—he might even love you—but you’re not “The One” and he’ll dump you once he finds her.

You’re clearly his rebound. Does that mean you’re his placeholder? It does if you started dating him a couple of months after his relationship went up in flames. He hasn’t had time to grieve and actually get over his ex, which means he’s dating you to make the grieving process easier. Don’t get it twisted—he’ll end the relationship once he gets his confidence back.

He doesn’t spend money on you. I’m not saying he should be spending his entire paycheck on you but the simple fact is when a guy really cares about a girl, he’ll want to treat her right. He should be taking you to dinner, spending money on flowers, and doing what he can to make you feel special. If he’s too broke to buy you some McDonald’s fries even though he works a full-time job, he’s not interested (and probably spending his money on someone else).

You always feel like you’re in the way. He makes you feel like an option, or worse, he makes you feel like someone who’s barely even there. Sometimes when you’re with him, you feel like his little sister who’s tagging along because mom said he had to bring you. That’s not the kind of feeling you should have in a relationship—unless, of course, you’re a placeholder.

He doesn’t put you first. Respect is one of the most important things in a relationship. If he loved you, he’d respect you. That means he’d call when he’s supposed to and he’d make time in his busy schedule to spend with you without you having to prompt or pressure him into it. If he doesn’t put you first, that’s a clear sign you’re not someone he plans to be with in the long run.

You don’t hear “real-life” stories. He doesn’t tell you stories that would shock or awe you. Your conversations typically fall under the same umbrella. You talk about friends, your job, and whatever’s trending on the internet. But has he told you about when he lost his virginity or anything “deep”? He’s not telling you real-life stories because he doesn’t want to let you into his life. Why would he? You’re a placeholder.

His friends avoid you like the plague. You want his friends to like you. Unfortunately, they treat you like you’re diseased—they never want to be around you. Even in group settings, they tend to avoid you. Don’t freak out. It’s not because they hate you, it’s because he’s told them absolutely nothing about you and they don’t think getting to know you is important or necessary.

He’s always talking about his happiness. Does it seem like he only cares about himself? It’s not that he’s a selfish person, he’s going through a selfish phase. Right now he only wants to make himself happy, so he makes decisions that do just that! He picks the restaurants, the activities, the trips, and everything you two do together. You might think he’s being romantic and decisive but he’s really being self-centered.

You’re uncomfortable when he goes out without you. It’s OK to be jealous every now and again but if you’re on edge every time he goes out with his friends, there’s probably a reason. You know deep down that you’re not exactly what he wants. It makes you nervous that he could go out and fall in love with someone new.

He’s either always free or never free. If you have to work for his time and attention, he sees you as a placeholder. However, the same might be true if he always has time for you. He’s a 20-something-year-old man with no plans or friends? Hmm, sounds like he’s a loner who could be using you to fill his time.

Your title seems forced. He might call you his girlfriend but it doesn’t feel like you’re actually in a proper relationship. He barely looks your way and he doesn’t seem to truly care about you. If you don’t feel like a priority to your boyfriend, that should tell you everything you need to know.

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