10 Signs Your Relationship With Your Work Husband Is Bordering On Inappropriate

We spend a majority of our waking hours at work, which means we’re often spending more time with our coworkers than our partners. A lot of us have that one coworker of the opposite sex we’re particularly close with: our work husband. There’s nothing wrong with having a work husband, but things can get complicated when you get a little too close to him. Here are some signs you’re crossing the line:

  1. You talk to him literally all day. Work husbands usually have a desk near you, which makes it easy to chat about this and that while you’re getting some work done. Most offices also have an internal chat system, which means that you can hit up your work husband any time throughout the day. If you find yourself talking to him literally all day, especially about non-work related things, you might need to take a step back.
  2. You complain about your significant other to him. We all talk to our work husbands about our personal lives, which includes talking about our significant others, but if you find yourself deep diving with your work husband about all the things your significant other is doing wrong, you’ve already blurred the boundaries a bit and you’re definitely out of line.
  3. He complains about his significant other to you and you comfort him. Talking with him about your life creates a familiarity that invites him to share as well. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it blurs the lines of what should be discussed and what shouldn’t. If your work husband starts complaining to you about his partner, it means that his relationship with you is starting to be more than professional or even casually friendly. Set some boundaries before this goes too far.
  4. You frequently text him after work. Work husbands often turn into close friends outside of work as well, so it’s not uncommon to have his number. Texting him occasionally to send a funny picture of something you saw or a link that made you think of him is one thing, but if you start getting into long text conversations with him on a regular basis, you’re headed for the danger zone.
  5. You tell him things you haven’t even told your significant other. Sometimes, to avoid talking to our significant others about something, we seek the advice of a trusted friend. Of course, this is entirely normal, but if you find you’re talking to your work husband about things you’re actively hiding from your significant other, you’re not setting good boundaries AND you’re being dishonest. This guy shouldn’t know more about the real you than your actual partner.
  6. You hang out with him after work more than a few times a month. Again, it’s totally normal for work husbands to become outside of work friends, which means you may go out after work for drinks every once in a while or hang out with other coworkers outside of work. You’re getting into a shady gray area if you start going out with him alone and if it starts to happen frequently. If you find yourself alone with him or out with him and others more than a few times a month, you’ve reached too close territory.
  7. You think about him all the time. When you’re having trouble in your relationship, work husbands are usually the first in your mind because you’ve already developed a close relationship with him and you see him all the time. If you’re thinking about your work husband a lot, even when things are going well with your guy, you’ve blown past the warning signs of “too close” and have moved to being totally inappropriate.
  8. You start having sex dreams about him. Our dreams are where our unconscious minds work out all the stuff that’s pent up. We do things in our dreams that we would never do in real life because our dreams show us what we’re really hung up on and not willing to think about when we’re awake. If you start having sex dreams about your work husband, don’t freak out. It doesn’t mean anything more than he’s on your mind a lot. However, it does mean that it’s time for you to examine how you feel about him and set appropriate limits around your interactions.
  9. You actively flirt with him at work. We all engage in harmless flirting to boost our egos, and generally speaking, there’s anything wrong with that. Still, if you’re flirting with your work husband nonstop, it can get dicey because you already have a close relationship with him. What seems like harmless flirting may actually be bordering on dangerous.
  10. You’re dishonest about your interactions with him. We’ve all heard the old saying “honesty is the best policy,” but this isn’t just some tired cliche. If you’re not being completely honest with yourself or others, it’s because you feel like you have something to hide, which usually means you’re feeling guilty. If you start to hide how often you’re talking to, texting, or hanging out with your work husband from your friends, family, or partner, you’re in too deep. Come clean with someone, especially your partner if you have one, and work on resetting the boundaries with your work husband.
Robin Zabiegalski is a freelance writer for digital media publications and her work has been published on The Tempest, The Talko, Bolde, and xoJane. She is also an occasional writer of short fiction and satire. Robin has a BA in Professional Studies from Johnson State College and she is passionate about feminism, body image, writing, snowboarding, and backpacking.
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