Even if you haven’t heard of comparisonitis, you’ve probably experienced it once or twice. It’s the art of comparing ourselves to other people, and it happens to all of us—in our social lives, in our careers, and especially in our relationships. Here’s how you know you’re doing it.
You’re obsessed with other couples. You’re totally and constantly preoccupied with what other couples are doing and saying rather than worrying about your own relationship. You try to match what other couples are doing and worry that you’re somehow falling behind if your relationship isn’t developing at the same pace and in identical ways.
You stalk people on social media. You use social media as your main comparisonitis tool to keep on eye on what others couples are conducting their relationships. You often only want to do something because someone other couple has done it and splashed it all over Facebook or Instagram and you don’t want to be left out. You want all the likes too!
You overanalyze everything. Due to the fact that everything looks so pretty and perfect on social media, you’re constantly wondering why your own relationship doesn’t seem so great. Spoiler alert: social media isn’t real life, and the sooner we all start realizing this, the better!
You compare your current relationship with your previous ones. Another common sign of comparisonitis is when you compare your new relationship to your old one. It’s easy to judge a fresh situation based on a situation you’ve been a part of in the past, but just remember that this is a completely different relationship with a totally new human.
You’re never happy with your partner. Because you continue to scrutinize and overanalyze your relationship on a regular basis, you’re never happy until you take the trip that your best friend Joan and her boyfriend just took or your partner buys you a dozen roses like your sister’s did. And even then, you’re continuously looking towards the next goal. This isn’t a healthy way to live your life and it soon leads to nothing but problems.
You argue with your partner about silly things. The negative vibes caused by comparisonitis cause you and your partner to argue about the silliest of topics. For instance, why on earth couldn’t they have gotten you the Michael Kors purse for your birthday that you’ve been lusting after since forever? I mean, so-and-so’s partner did. Hello, World War III.
You try to change your partner on a daily basis. Because comparisonitis is making you so critical of your relationship and your partner, you’re always trying to improve the situation and change their behavior to fit your ideal. It’s easily done in this day and age where oversharing is encouraged, but you must remember that the relationship with your partner is unique and what works for one couple might not work for another.
You keep disappointing yourself on a regular basis. Your expectations are so high because of comparisonitis that you can’t even satisfy yourself, never mind have your partner satisfy you. Having high expectations is a way of setting yourself up for disappointment and you need to stop for the sake of your relationship.
You feel guilty in your relationship. You experience continuous FOMO in your relationship and it’s making you miserable. Heck, you might even start looking deeper and feeling guilty that you’re not making your relationship work with your partner as well as some other couples you know. Your relationship would work just fine if you took a deep breath and appreciated what was right in front of you. Comparisonitis is the key to unhappiness.
You realize that something has to change. You just know something’s up if you’re experiencing comparisonitis. You’re not being kind to your partner or yourself, and you know that you need to stop looking at everyone else’s dating situation and just work on your own. You have constant #RelationshipGoals and you can never just be happy in the moment with what you have. You’re always striving for more and, unfortunately, it could lead to the death of your relationship. Make a conscious effort to be grateful for what you do have in your relationship instead of always wanting more, and I guarantee that things will start falling into place.
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