Being single has its perks. It’s great to have at least some time by yourself, but if you can’t remember the last time you’ve been the one to break up with someone else, you may want to re-evaluate your dating strategy. It could be that you’re just expecting too much from someone else, and scaring them away. Here are signs that you may need a reality check when it comes to dating.
- You honestly believe in love at first sight. Love at first sight does exist but it’s very, very rare when it comes to romantic partners. Usually, what you’re experiencing is infatuation at first sight. You think someone’s cute and really want to get to know them. The problem is, people are really complex. True love and compatibility both take time.
- There’s a checklist of “must-haves” that every potential partner must compete with. One of the worst ways you can sabotage a date is to dismiss them for a silly reason. Looks are a big part of that. Maybe you really connect with someone but fail to give them a second date since you really hoped they’d be an inch or two taller. Physical attraction is important, but small details are nowhere near as important as whether or not you have natural chemistry with someone.
- You break things off the second you get into a big fight. Fights are normal and also healthy in every relationship. Even if you and your significant other are very similar, you’re still not the same person and will still get into disagreements. By giving up an otherwise good relationship since you’re out of the honeymoon phase, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Even the strongest celebrity couples have had fights before — you just don’t hear about them.
- You compare your significant other to fictional characters. Ryan Gosling is great, but his romantic life with Eva Mendes probably isn’t anywhere near his relationship with his Notebook co-star Rachel McAdams is on-screen. Comparing anyone to a fictional character literally created by a team of writers is unfair. Nobody will be able to live up to those expectations.
- In your head, your partner shouldn’t even think about past relationships. Unless they can’t stop talking about an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, they probably have a healthy relationship with their past. Who they dated helped shape them into the person they are today. You can’t erase history, and an occasional mention is healthy. By occasionally bringing someone up without chatting much about the actual relationship, they’re not comparing you to them. They just want to relate an anecdote from their past. You need to accept that they had a life before you.
- You have a timeline in your head the second you hook up with someone. If you want to get married someday, it makes sense if you want to rush things along and know when that day will happen. But it shouldn’t be in the first few months — being persistent about future plans is enough to scare someone away. Live in the moment, and enjoy dating.
- You compare your relationship to others in your friend group. Maybe your BFF is with someone who just surprised them with a fun trip to Ireland. Just because they’re going doesn’t mean that your own relationship is doomed for not including a trip. Comparing a relationship is the perfect way to get your hopes up. Each pairing is different. If you want to make a trip happen, you should be the one to start scheduling for it.
- You’re not willing to budge on your dream wedding. There’s a possibility that things tend to sizzle in your relationship because you have mad expectations for your wedding day. Weddings are really expensive, and so many people out there would rather have a big day that looks good on Instagram, despite how it looks to their bank account. Money issues are one of the biggest amount couples, so refusing to marry your “soulmate” if they don’t feel financially comfortable about the horse-drawn carriage you refuse to cut is a huge red flag. Marriage lasts so much longer than a wedding.
- You feel insulted if your partner is occasionally too tired to pay attention to you. I get it. Everyone wants to feel loved and special every day. And even though you should, depending on your partner to give you that attention on a daily basis is a big ask. If they need a night to chill and do their own thing, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Unless it’s a constant pattern, there’s no need to put the brakes on the relationship. As for you, you need to learn how to make yourself happy.
- You feel as if your soulmate needs to accept all of your flaws — even the dangerous ones. Again, nobody is perfect. But if you troll the forums acting as an online bully, you shouldn’t assume your partner will think it’s quirky or sweet. The same goes for bad habits like drugs, alcohol, or gambling. Your partner should encourage you to be as healthy as possible. You need to understand that these may very well be reasonable deal-breakers for them.
