Insecure attachment style is mainly is composed of fear. It makes you terrified of all sorts of things like abandonment, not being liked, etc. and it goes without saying that it can cause a lot of problems in relationships. Here are some signs of this that you may have it.
- You struggle with communication. Due to fear and insecurity, you have a hard time communicating with a partner. Mostly, you struggle to be honest and straightforward because then you’re putting yourself out there to be hurt. Instead, you expect your partner to read your mind without you having to say anything.
- You compare your relationship to other relationships. Your relationship seldom meets the high expectations you have for love. You’re always left wanting more, so you compare your relationship to other relationships. You look at other people and think that they have it better than you do. In reality, you have no idea what their lives look like but you imagine the best possible scenario for them. It’s just not realistic.
- You’re selfish when it comes to needs. A relationship is about compromise—you need to give to get. You have difficulty with this because you always want to put your needs first. Perhaps you landed yourself a partner who doesn’t speak up for themselves so you can get away with it. Regardless, you’re high maintenance when it comes to having your needs met. You demand way too much.
- You fake confidence when you really have little to none. You know it’s important to have confidence in a relationship but you lack it entirely. As a result of wanting to seem like you have it all together, you’re sometimes over the top with your seeming confidence. Inside though, you’re falling apart with insecurity. Many partners can see right through your facade, leaving you feeling even worse.
- You play mind games. You’re insecure, so you play games to try to stir things up. You intentionally avoid texting your partner back for a while or you act in a passive-aggressive way. You do this because you don’t feel like they’re paying enough attention to you or you’re just feeling bored. Mind games are your specialty and it definitely pushes away the lovers in your life.
- You do some serious jumping to conclusions. When your partner says something, you go ahead and fill in the blanks. You think you know what they mean every time even if it’s completely unclear. If they text you asking you something, you may assume that they’re mad at you when you can’t read tone over text. This pattern of jumping to conclusions poisons your relationship because you’re essentially assuming something about a partner and ignoring reality.
- You become obsessed with your partner. Where most people develop feelings for someone, you develop an obsession. You think about your partner all the time. Perhaps you think that they can save or fix you. In a way, you see them as superhuman. This obsession is unhealthy and gets in the way of your day-to-day activities. For example, you may be spacing out at work and not paying attention so you end up making more mistakes.
- You’re always thinking doomsday scenarios. Since fear drives you, there are always scenarios swirling around in your head about what could go wrong. You think of the worst possible thing that could happen like your partner dying on their way home from work or the constant fear of abandonment. This sort of thinking drives you nuts but it feels as if you can’t help it.
- You’re terrified of infidelity. Since you have so much fear and you assume the worst, infidelity is something that you’re constantly worried about. It’s very difficult for you to trust that another person wouldn’t hurt you like that. Sometimes, as a result of your fear, you go out and cheat yourself to avoid being hurt or you call your partner out when they actually haven’t done anything.
- You’re ambivalent about commitment. You’re often either clinging for dear life to a partner or you have so much fear that you can’t possibly imagine letting yourself get close to them. You rarely sit anywhere in the middle, it’s usually these extremes. The clinging makes you feel insatiably hungry and the pushing away makes you feel desperately alone, but you don’t know what else to do.
