Diva behavior may be glamorized by the entertainment industry and the digital sewer that is social media, but it doesn’t look good on anyone. Due to the repulsive “me” culture that has taken over society, a lot of people act like divas and don’t realize it because it has been completely normalized. It may be today’s “normal,” but that doesn’t mean it should be acceptable. Here are some signs that you are a full-fledged, insufferable diva.
You demand to be treated like a princess.
Your friends, your boyfriend, and your family must treat you like royalty. You expect them to do everything you ask, exactly how you ask them to do it. If you get anything less, you feel disrespected and you lash out like a terrifying, Chanel wearing, drama queen version of the Hulk.
You never return the favor.
While everyone in your life does their best for you, you never do the same for them. You have no problem being on the receiving end of gifts and praise, but it never occurs to you to give something back. Doing nice things for someone other than yourself isn’t even on your sparkly pink radar.
You’re in a bad mood most of the time.
The smallest, most insignificant things piss you off and completely ruin your mood. You expect other people to fix it and you never take responsibility for your soul-sucking bitchiness. The locusts living in your chest feed off of the negativity and continue to multiply.
You’re ALWAYS dating someone.
When you don’t have a guy to distract you from yourself, you lose your already unstable mind. To you, being single is worse than a fatal disease and you’ll do anything to avoid it. It doesn’t take long for a guy to realize that you’re crazier than a honey badger on crack. He dumps you and you have a new boyfriend five minutes later. When you ask yourself why this cycle keeps repeating itself, your maggot-infested brain just says, “Duuurrrrrrr.”
You expect a guy to pay for everything.
Your latest boyfriend/victim is a wallet first and a person second. His health bar depletes at the same rate that you drain his bank account. You don’t think you’re a gold digger, though. In your mind, it’s the man’s job to pay for all of your crap. Reaching for your own wallet is an unforgivable sin in the Bitch Bible.
You’re high maintenance.
Every aspect of your appearance must be flawless before you step outside. If you break a nail, you refuse to go to work. If the wind messes your hair, you’ll barricade yourself in the nearest bathroom and empty an entire can of hairspray all over your head. If you realize that your purse doesn’t match your outfit, you scream so loud that Cthulhu wakes from his slumber and gets tinnitus. Everything is a production with you.
You take an excessive amount of selfies.
Thousands of selfies dominate your oh-so-interesting life because you are just that fabulous.Your face is permanently stuck in a painfully awkward “everybody look at me” smile because your phone is pointed towards it 98 percent of the time. Walking into a truck stop bathroom is a photo op to you. Everyone must know how super cute you look, regardless of the fecal content in your pictures.
You complain constantly.
Putting energy into whining about everything is no problem, but actually taking action to solve a problem is out of the question for you. In fact, you get a sick thrill when you lay around and drive everyone insane with your endless, high-pitched complaining. Expending energy to fix a simple issue is best left to the serfs anyway.
You’re always bored and you demand to be entertained.
Perpetual boredom is not only a classic indicator of a sociopath, it is also a clear sign that you’re a diva. You expect other people to entertain you and you blame them when you feel boredom creeping into the empty cavity where your heart should be. Your entertainment is everyone’s responsibility but your own.
You have no aspirations.
You would rather spend your life being dependent on your husband for money instead of achieving anything on your own. “Trophy wife” is your only ambition. Setting and achieving actual goals is far too much work. You’d rather lounge around wearing expensive jewelry and giving life minimal effort. You will likely be very shocked and confused when your husband files for divorce and you have to work at McDonalds to support yourself because you thought college was a waste of time.
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