10 Signs You’re Bad At Intimacy

For a lot of people, love-making is a huge part of a relationship, and it’s the physical intimacy that makes them feel ever closer to the person they love. But it’s also about wild, uninhibited pleasure. You can probably remember the best intimacy you’ve ever had, and you’ve been chasing that same feeling ever since. It seems like some people are born with natural skills in the sack, but of course, most things just take experience, practice, and an open mind. Sure, sometimes two people just don’t have any chemistry together, but other times it’s totally you. The first step to getting better at intimacy is admitting that you’re bad at it.

  1. He says no to your offer to use your mouth. Maybe he’s terrified of your tendency to scrape your teeth along his man parts and yank way too hard on his dangly bits. If he flinches when you start to make your way down there, you might want to ask him how he really feels about your oral skills.
  2. He’s faked it. Guys rarely fake it. First of all, it’s a lot harder for them to make it believable for obvious reasons. Second, they are making love in order to be satisfied, and they aren’t going to give up until they do. Unless you are that bad that they can barely keep it up.
  3. He agreed to being your hookup buddy, you did it once, and you never heard from him again. Sure, there could be some other explanation, but chances are if he gave up an on-going intimate arrangement, it’s because no sex was more appealing than sleeping with you.
  4. Your favorite position is starfish. Guys don’t want to do all the work all the time, and they definitely don’t want to sleep with someone who just lies there doing nothing. At least pretend you’re enjoying yourself.
  5. You don’t like to initiate intimacy. Ever. There’s nothing wrong with not exactly being the aggressive type, but if he has to get things started every time, he’s going to start to think you’re just doing it to humor him and you couldn’t really care less about it. Guys like to feel wanted too, and it will make him feel awesome to see that you want him so bad that you can’t control yourself.
  6. You have no idea how to satisfy yourself. If you’ve haven’t figured out how to come on your own, how are you going to have one with him? He likes when you give him a little direction, and he wants you to feel good. At least he should.
  7. You say no to every new thing he suggests. Role-playing? No. Any position other than missionary? Nope. Using the other hole? Hell no. If you can’t be a little more open-minded, he’s going to get bored and frankly, you should be too.
  8. You’ve never watched a minute of online intimacy. So, maybe a lot of the videos out there aren’t the most realistic portrayal of what actual intimacy is like, but it can still give you ideas about new things you might like to try. And it can be a turn on to watch it with your guy if you find something that works for both of you.
  9. Man parts kind of gross you out. The whole intimacy thing in general kind of gives you the creeps actually. You want to put that where?!
  10. You’ve never been intimate with someone. And there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. But chances are, if you’ve never done it, you aren’t going to be very good at it. Don’t worry though, you’ll get better.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.