10 Signs You’re In Denial About How Bad Your Relationship Really Is

People rarely break up with someone the second they realize things aren’t going very well. Everyone wants to believe they can figure out a way to make things work, or that things will just get better without any effort whatsoever. The sooner you emerge from your cocoon of denial, the sooner you can figure out if there’s anything left to salvage in the mess your relationship has become.

  1. You’re a pro at making excuses. You’ve had so much practice explaining things away and rationalizing your unhappiness that it’s just become second nature. You have an answer for everything, but it’s come to the point that you’re the only one that believes them anymore.
  2. You refuse to acknowledge anyone’s concerns. When your friends and family hints they’re concerned about you, you immediately brush them off or tell them they’re overreacting. For some reason you think you’ve successfully hiding the problems in your relationship, and you don’t want to admit that they’re a lot more obvious that you think.
  3. You lash out at people for being concerned. If anyone pushes you to acknowledge their concerns, you’re more likely to accuse them of being jealous than to actually shut up and hear what they have to say. You’re so in denial that you’d rather end a friendship that deal with the realization that what they’re saying might actually be true.
  4. You put more weight in the importance of the rare good moments. Sure, all relationships have their ups and downs. But if you’re in denial about how bad the bad really is, you’ve probably convinced yourself that one good moment outweighs ten bad ones, when really it should be the other way around. Ten good moments for every bad one is closer to the ratio you want.
  5. You tell yourself it can’t be worse than being single. Considering being single has the potential to be pretty awesome, this line of thinking is seriously delusional. All you’re doing is selling yourself short because you’re afraid to be alone, and frankly, you deserve more than what you’re clearly settling for.
  6. You daydream about things being different. Instead of doing something to make your situation better, you fixate on the “if only’s”. If only he was better at communicating. If only you wanted the same things. But instead of seeing those things as deal breakers that should end your relationship, you see them as things that you just have to live with. You’ve forgotten that you always have the option to leave. Always.
  7. You can’t be yourself. If you’re trying to transform yourself into the perfect girl for him, you clearly don’t think your own needs are very important. If you can’t be yourself with him and you think it’s possible to change who you are, you’re in denial about the simple fact that the two of you just aren’t right for each other.
  8. You have too much patience. No matter what happens, you keep giving him another chance. You’re willing to tolerate anything and everything as long as you can stay together, so he thinks you have no limits. Basically, you’re letting him walk all over you because you can’t admit when enough is enough.
  9. You don’t communicate with each other. Not only are you in denial about the state of your relationship, but he is too. It’s a lot harder to brush things under the rug when one of you insists on talking about it, but if neither of you ever do that, nothing will ever change.
  10. You believe you have no choice. Maybe you know it’s bad, but you have no hope left that things could be different. You don’t even consider ending it to be a viable option for whatever reason, so you’ve accepted your situation and now you’re just trying to find a way to live with it.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo