Are you hard to love? It may be hard to admit it, if any of these things ring true for you, caring about and being close with you are likely a challenge.
You don’t know how to apologize. People who are hard to love never know how to apologize because they’re stubborn. Apologizing and owning up to your mistakes, especially to people that you love, is really valuable and important for creating trustworthy, long-lasting relationships. If you make your special someone feel like they are always in the wrong because you refuse to accept that you’re not always right, you have a problem.
You never compromise. If you can’t find the middle ground in your relationships, you’re definitely hard to love. It’s incredibly difficult to love someone who never wants to accommodate others or find a way for her partner to be happy too. If you care about someone, shouldn’t you want to meet them halfway?
You’re unpredictable. This should be obvious but if you’re the type of person that can’t be understood or figured out by those closest to you, it’s not always a good thing. There’s something freeing about being dynamic and a little mysterious, but in relationships, it can make you seem untrustworthy and sketchy. In turn, that makes you hard to love because your partner doesn’t really know who you are or where they stand with you.
You’re flaky and unreliable. Flaky people are hard to love because you can never depend on them. If your partner, lover, or friend can’t rely on you when they’re in a bind, it puts stress on your relationship and makes it exceptionally challenging for someone to really love you. If you want people to love you, show them that you’re dependable. Show up.
You hold onto old baggage. If you punish the people who are in your life now for things that happened to you in your past, you’re most definitely hard to love. I understand from experience how difficult it can be opening up to someone and being vulnerable again in a romantic relationship (or even a friendship) after you’ve been burned. However, if you hold onto that negative energy and bring those impressions into your experience with someone new, it’s like you’re asking for it to be hard. It really doesn’t have to be that way.
You put up emotional walls. Along the same lines, you put up huge emotional walls as soon as someone gets close to you. Letting people into your life and your heart is part and parcel of loving someone. You have to know someone emotionally to love them. If you can’t let people in, you can never truly love or be loved.
You’re self-destructive. If you drink excessively, are incessantly self-deprecating, or engage in self-destructive behaviors, you’re going to be difficult to love. In my experience, the easiest people to love in my life have been people who take care of themselves and show themselves the most love on a consistent basis.
You’re dishonest. My personal rule of thumb is that being honest is always better than telling a lie, even a small one. I’ve had to grow into this rule and I’ve been better at it in certain situations than others, but the point is that people appreciate honesty. When you lie and someone finds out about it, people retreat from you. Lovable people are the kind of people who attract others with positive traits like honesty and integrity. Work on those qualities and you won’t be hard to love.
You’re bad at communicating. If you can’t talk and work through disagreements with someone else, you’re probably hard to love. All relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are strongest when communication is at its best between the people involved in the relationship. If you shut down during disagreements or can’t articulate your feelings to another person, it really will strain your relationship and make you hard to love. I’ve been that woman before and it took therapy and self-reflection to find my voice and use it. Find yours.
You don’t believe you deserve to be loved. I saved this one for last because I think it’s really important. If you’re reading this because you can’t figure out why it’s hard for someone else to love you, I want you to ask yourself if you even believe that you deserve love. I think it’s important to start from a place where you feel entitled to love from friends, from a partner, or basically from anyone. If you look in the mirror and don’t even believe that you deserve to be regarded, loved, cherished and adored, you can’t expect someone else to do either. In turn, it will be difficult for anyone to love you because you’ll constantly push them away.
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