10 Signs You’re Not Actually In Love, Just Afraid Of Being Alone

That warm tingly feeling all over and the fact that your stomach is doing flip flops all day long is enough to convince anyone that your relationship is the real deal. However, that might not actually be the case. You could be fooling yourself because even being coupled up with the wrong person is better than being alone. Here are some signs you’re not really in love.

You’re terrified when he makes plans to do things without you.

This is one of the biggest signs you’re not really in love. If he messages you and says he can’t see you because he’s doing something with the boys and you get a sinking feeling of fear in your stomach, that’s a problem. He may be going out with co-workers or even just chilling at home by himself. Either way, if the idea of being without him makes you doubt him or worry about him being with someone else, you’re probably more upset about the idea of being alone.

You text him constantly even when you have nothing to say.

This isn’t love, this is an obsession. It’s also something that will send him running for the hills. No one enjoys feeling like they have to be available to another person all the time. When you text him all the time, you’re showing your fear of being alone. Unconsciously, you’re trying to make sure you’re constantly on his mind. It’s a roaring sign of insecurity.

You go with him everywhere he goes, even when he’s doing things you don’t enjoy.

It’s OK for him to have hobbies and interests you aren’t into at all, and it’s okay for you to let him do those things by himself. If you insist on going with him anyway, even though you know you’re going to have a miserable time, you’re going to make it difficult for him to enjoy doing what he loves. He’ll likely end up resenting you for it. Remember, it’s good for you to let him go do his thing while you stay home to do yours. The inability to separate for even a little while is another of those major signs you’re not in love.

You let him cross your boundaries to avoid conflict.

It’s important to know what your own boundaries are. It’s even more important to speak up when he crosses them. If you don’t say anything, he’ll think that your boundaries aren’t important or that you just weren’t that serious about them in the first place. In a new relationship, it’s critical that each of you should establish your own boundaries for the future. Don’t let your fear of being alone blur those lines.

You put everyone and everything in your life on hold for him.

Have you stopped seeing your best friend? Is your mother worried about you because you never go to see her anymore? These are the people who are going to be there for you, whether you are with a boyfriend or not, so don’t alienate them.  If you find yourself cutting people out of your life so you can be with him all the time, you’re likely not actually in love with him – the signs are clear on that.

You drop what you’re doing if he says he’s coming over.

When you’re in a new relationship, being there for one another is important. You don’t have to set everything aside every time he wants to come over to “chill.” It’s okay to tell him you’re busy or ask him to come over later instead. If you matter to him, he’ll wait. But if you drop everything that matters to you the second he wants to hang out, you might be more concerned about being alone than with enjoying his company.

You jump into his life super fast.

Does it seem like just yesterday that you were single and hanging out with your girlfriends? Maybe it was. When you have the warm fuzzies all the time because you’re with someone, it can be very easy to slip into each other’s lives. Take it back a notch, though. You don’t have to live in each other’s back pockets!

You have nothing in common except sex.

Sex is great, and you should have a good sexual relationship. But if that’s all you have, you’re in trouble. When sex is the only thing you enjoy, it makes it hard to say no and you lose your independence. You’re not always going to want to have sex and if that’s the only thing you have going between you, one or the other is going to get bored.

You avoid telling him certain things about yourself.

Still have little secrets you aren’t telling him? The longer you hold back on letting him see the real you, the greater the chance someone is going to be hurt by it. You might be holding back because what you feel isn’t love. It’s just a fear of being alone.

You constantly have to defend him to your friends.

Your friends won’t fall for his good looks and charm if they see other red flags. It takes a lot of courage and loyalty for a friend to speak up. If they tell you something negative, it’s not because they want you to be alone forever. It’s likely because they have your best interests in mind.

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