10 Signs You’re Not Ready For A New Relationship

There comes a time after every breakup when we have the desire to move on and meet someone new. Moving on is an essential part of healing after a relationship ends, but everyone reaches that point at a different time. Here are some signs you may not be ready to jump into a new relationship even though you might think you are.

  1. It’s difficult to catch feelings for anyone. If you just got out of a relationship with someone you were deeply in love with or had a super deep connection with, it’s going to take some time before you’re ready to meet someone new. You might meet some really great people, but if you find that you’re searching for reasons why they’re not right for you or you just can’t seem to feel anything for them, you’re probably not ready to date again yet.
  2. You compare everyone you meet to your ex. If you’re meeting new people and you’re comparing every detail about them to your former partner, whether it’s good or bad qualities, it means that you’re still constantly thinking about your ex. Of course, you’re never going to be able to completely forget about your past relationships, especially if the person had a big impact on your life. However, comparing someone you’ve just met to them isn’t fair to that person or to you. All you’ll be seeing in them are qualities from a relationship that didn’t work out and you’ll be missing out on getting to know a really great person. Make sure to give yourself the time you need.
  3. You feel pressure from your friends. When the people in your life who care about you want you to be able to move on and feel happy again, they often think that the best way to help you is to set you up with someone new or to encourage you to get out there again. If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to meet new people, go out on dates, or browse dating apps and you’re not really getting anything out of it, it’s a sign that you’re simply trying to appease your friends and just aren’t ready for something new.
  4. Your heart is still in a lot of turmoil. Relationships that end suddenly or volatilely can really do a number on your emotions. You may find yourself in a state of constant sadness or even depression and those feelings are unfortunately not going to just disappear overnight. It’s okay to feel sad as long as you don’t let the sadness consume you for too long, but don’t try to push yourself to be okay before you actually are. Let yourself heal on your own time.
  5. You have a pessimistic outlook on love. When we get burned by someone in love, it can cause us to be jaded. Hopefully, that is just a temporary feeling, part of our healing process, but if you try to jump into the dating scene too quickly after a breakup, your heart won’t be open to meeting someone new if you have a negative attitude about love and relationships. If you give yourself enough time to feel okay again, you’ll have a more positive outlook on relationships and be able to see people for who they really are.
  6. You haven’t let go of the pain of the past yet. When relationships end under less than ideal circumstances and you feel sad or angry at your ex, it’ll take some time before those feelings aren’t so strong. It can be really difficult to be open to new relationships or to get into them for the right reasons if you still feel resentful towards your last partner. You won’t get the most out of a new relationship and neither will the other person so, make sure that you’ve had time to let go of those intense feelings and let them fade before you enter anything new.
  7. You’re hoping to make your ex jealous. Another common sign that you’re not ready for a new relationship is that you have your ex in mind with everything you do. If the only reason you’re considering dating again is that you think it’ll make your ex jealous or you’re at least hoping it will, you’re not in it for the right reasons. The only reason you should get into a new relationship is that you like the other person and think there’s potential for the two of you. Who cares what your ex thinks?
  8. You’re always tempted to flake out on plans. If you’ve jumped into dating again but you find yourself less than excited to actually go out with people and trying to make excuses for why you have to cancel plans, it might be a sign that you’re not ready to meet someone new just yet. If you fake sickness or family emergencies, or even if you consistently ask your friends to help you come up with excuses to bail, you’re probably pushing yourself too soon. Don’t stand someone up, just give yourself time before you make date plans again.
  9. You’re not happy within yourself. It’s so important for you to be happy with yourself before you try starting another relationship. A new partner, no matter how great they might be, won’t be able to make you happy if you can’t even make yourself happy. Take the time while you’re single to focus on the things that bring you joy. This is your turn to really be selfish and do what you love. You don’t have to compromise with a partner, you just have to do what makes you happy so, enjoy that time, find contentment within your own soul, then over time, you’ll be ready to start dating again.
  10. You’re not ready to trust again. Failed relationships can cause us to lose faith in people and make it really hard to trust anyone else for a while. A big sign that you’re not ready for a new relationship is that your heart just isn’t ready to trust other people again. You will heal and eventually be ready to give your heart to someone else in the future but if you push yourself too soon before you’re ready, it could be pretty disastrous. Just remember that you’re not on a clock, everyone heals in their own time, and when the time is right for you, you’ll be ready to get back out there again.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.