10 Signs You’re Painting Red Flags Green

You’re in a relationship that’s questionable at best and downright toxic at worst. Instead of recognizing the red flags for what they are, you keep painting them green. Here are 10 signs that you’re guilty of ignoring the signs that you’re with the wrong person:

  1. There’s a persistent nagging feeling in your gut that you keep ignoring. You were given an intuition to guide you in the world. If you listen closely, you can hear that it tells you when a situation is wrong. If you’re painting red flags green, it’s likely that your gut has been speaking up to you. Rather than listening to the feeling deep down, you distract yourself or totally ignore it. The beautiful thing about intuition, though, is that it never really goes away.
  2. Your friends, family, and coworkers think your partner is a bit “off.” If you can’t get a clear read on what your gut says about a person, trusted people around you can help you out. If your friends, family, and coworkers are all telling you that they don’t like your partner, you should really take a closer look. It’s easy to say that they don’t know anything, but they can sometimes see things you’re not willing to see.
  3. You have a hunch they aren’t your forever person, but you’re with them anyway. Perhaps you know deep down inside that you don’t want to be with this person for a long time. In your mind, the relationship has an end date. However, some people get stuck in relationships like this. You may be saying it’s fine for now, but what if five years of your life have gone by and you’re still in the same dead-end relationship?
  4. The relationship is a crap show but you’re with them because of the “love.” Your relationship is a disaster, there’s no denying it. It’s clearly toxic and messy. Nonetheless, you’re laser-focused on the fact that you “love” each other. True love is not possessive and destructive. Instead, sometimes love means letting someone go. Love alone isn’t enough to stay in a relationship that isn’t working.
  5. Your life has changed in ways that aren’t healthy since being with your partner. A good litmus test to see how healthy your relationship is? Take a look at your life without your partner. Are you going to work, do you have hobbies, are you seeing your friends? If your life has morphed into one that is negatively unrecognizable to you, this is not a good sign.
  6. You’re making an excessive amount of sacrifices for them. If your life is in disarray, chances are you’re giving up aspects of it for your partner. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a certain level of compromise that needs to happen in a healthy relationship, but you shouldn’t be sacrificing everything. Pay attention to what you’re giving up. You may blame your actions on love, but in actuality, you could just be in a toxic or codependent relationship.
  7. You regularly find yourself justifying inappropriate behavior. Your partner does many questionable things like having angry outbursts, showing up late, or invading your privacy by going through your phone. Rather than seeing these red flags for what they are, you paint excuses right over them. You say that your partner does these things because they’ve had a hard time or because they love you. In truth, you deserve better.
  8. You think their manipulative behavior is them just “being loving.” A particular way of justification is when your partner is being manipulative and you excuse it as “loving.” For example, they ask you not to see your friends one night because they want to see you. If this happens once, it’s okay, but if this happens so much that you’re hardly seeing your friends, you may have a manipulator on your hands. Don’t fall victim to thinking that your partner is just showing their love. If they were being loving, they’d let you live your life.
  9. You start thinking that you’re the crazy one. You’ve made excuses for so much behavior that you can’t decipher between what’s real or fake anymore. You can’t tell what are red flags, what you’ve painted green, and what behavior is totally fine. Your partner has gotten into your head and now you feel you are the one who’s making the relationship a mess.
  10. You’re so wrapped up in the possibilities of the future that you’re missing what’s right in front of you. One of the worst ways to paint red flags green is to dream about what could be. You’re off in la-la land dreaming about future possibilities, so you’re no longer in the present moment. You’re looking past who your partner is right now and instead caught up in the illusion of their potential. This is a trap. The only way to see the red flags is to look at your partner for who they are at this moment.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.