The 10 Stages Of Finding A Decent Man

It’s the age of hookup culture and the generation of people that “give no f*cks,” so dating can be a real disaster. A lot of guys you meet are either liars, cheats, looking for nothing but sex, or all of the above. It’s hard out there for a good woman who just wants to find her unicorn and shower him with all the love she has inside her — but what happens when you do finally find someone worth your time? These are the 10 stages of finding a good guy:

  1. Delight. Could it be? Could you have possibly found an amazing guy in the sea of garbage you’re used to scouring? When this amazing man comes out from nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks, you’ll be elated just to have found him. Things are finally starting to look up when it comes to dating and you’re just glad you’re on the lucky side of things this time around.
  2. Panic. What if it’s all a ruse? Inevitably, you’ll start panicking because you’re not quite sure that there are good guys even left, let alone the fact that you seem to have found one that you have feelings for. The immediate stage of delight is gone and now all you can do is overthink and wonder if he is, in fact, truly who he says he is.
  3. Reasoning. You’ll go back and forth in your own mind trying to sabotage and then clean up the fact that you’ve actually been able to weed out a great guy. The overthinking bug will begin to rear its ugly head because you just spent the better part of the relationship being happier than you’ve ever been… and then freaking out because you couldn’t possibly believe it’s true.
  4. Doubt. You’ll eventually circle back to doubting the fact that he’s a good man. He’s no different than your ex and you’re sure of it. Every guy seems great at the beginning and he’s no different, so you doubt all the amazing things he has to offer as a way to protect yourself from falling for yet another jerk in disguise.
  5. Anxiety. But what if he IS real? The nerves kick in because after all the stages you’ve been through so far, you don’t want to stop at doubt and ruin anything before it has a chance to get off the ground. He could very well be the unicorn you’ve been waiting for and that freaks you the hell out.
  6. Anger. Now that you’ve decided he actually is as great as he appears to be, you’re pissed. Why did it take him so long to find you? Do you all of a sudden have to give up Taco Tuesdays with the girls because you’re going to obviously be in a relationship now? You can’t handle the whole transition from fabulous single to “we,” even if he is that amazing.
  7. Confusion. Why are you letting yourself ruin this? All you and your girlfriends do while scarfing down tacos is talk about how you want to meet a good man, so the fact that you’re afraid to give up some of your time to someone who truly deserves it is silly. You’re confused at your own thoughts about this wonderful creature and even disappointed that you’ve doubted him at all.
  8. Fear. It’s natural to be afraid of any new relationship. You’ve had your heartbroken in the past and sometimes it’s a hurt that lives on inside you. So when a good guy comes into the picture it’s easy to think that if you let yourself fall for him, you’re going to have to deal with that feeling all over again. You run and hide, because you just can’t deal with those thoughts right now.
  9. Acceptance. He’s great. You know it without any shred of doubt and you’re finally ready to get past all the BS that modern dating has engrained in you to finally be with someone who’s just as loving as you are. You’re not going to let anyone kill the chemistry, especially not yourself, so you finally accept that, yes, he’s great, and no, you won’t allow him to slip through your fingers.
  10. Pure Joy. The bliss of being in love with someone who truly deserves it is a feeling that doesn’t come often, so when you do finally manage to allow yourself to get there with a good guy, all you’ll feel is happiness. The sun shines a bit brighter, jokes are a bit funnier, and even work is less tedious. You found a good man and although you and you’re life were great before him, he’s made them that much better.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.