We all dream of the moment when we’ll finally realize that the person sitting across from us is relationship material. We’ve been through the dating ringer, have suffered through fools and insults and the most boring of first date convos, and this guy will make it all worth it. So what happens when we fall for someone and then they tell us they’re not looking for a girlfriend right now? Well, first we curse him out with our besties and watch a lot of bad TV to get over it. Then we have to get back in the dating game and try again. We all may be unique, but there are unfortunately some pretty common reasons that guys give for wanting to play the field and stay unattached. Here are 10 of the stupidest excuses he’ll give you for not wanting to commit.
- Bad timing. Groan. Haven’t we established by now that the timing basically always sucks? We’re always growing and changing and our lives are never standing still (which is a good thing – it would be super boring otherwise). There’s always a new job, a birthday, a fight with a friend, a sick relative. Let’s just agree right here, right now, that bad timing is the worst excuse ever. You can’t choose who you fall in love with and you can’t choose when that happens, either. So get over it and accept love when the universe offers it to you. If you don’t, you’ll be alone.
- He doesn’t know what the future holds. Ah, the mysterious, magical, mythical future. It’s a pretty scary place. It holds all our hopes and dreams and likes to hide stuff from us, both good and bad. If we can’t control the future, and we’ve learned that it’s best to chill out and not worry, then why do some guys think they can control what happens in their lives? Guess what – love will add to your life, not ruin it. You can still have a relationship and make your dreams happen. Tons of people do it.
- He’s not ready to settle down. Sometimes I think that some guys all were sent the same image of being trapped in a tiny room, held hostage by their girlfriend and unable to do anything, see anyone, have any fun at all. We always hear that he’s not into “settling down” but what is so horrible about that? News flash: we want our boyfriends to see their friends and have a life, because we have pretty full lives and awesome friendships, too. In my books, settling down means having someone to watch Netflix with and enjoy a fun, happy relationship. But mostly to watch Netflix with. Doesn’t sound so awful to me.
- He needs to be selfish right now. Or some version of this. He needs to focus on his baseball obsession/his Twitter account/not you. He can’t pay attention to you right now or maybe ever (I actually had a guy say this to me once). It’s not like you suddenly delete your personality and everything in your life once you commit to someone, so this is a pretty silly excuse.
- He doesn’t deserve you. If a guy says this to you, yeah, it may be true. But it’s hard to know when someone is putting you on a pedestal in a condescending way or actually doing you a favor. Opposites do attract but maybe if your goals aren’t aligned in some way in terms of work and lifestyle choices, this is one excuse that might be truthful.
- You want different things. This guy is probably too-cool-for-school, anti-marriage, anti-kids. Anti-everything, basically. Wanting a family doesn’t mean you’re basically saying goodbye to enjoying anything ever again. And if you’re in your 20s and someone says this to you, well, it’s not exactly like you want to get pregnant ASAP. Everyone should just calm down.
- He’s been cheated on in the past. A lot of people have told me that they’ve dated guys who have been cheated on by every single girl they dated. Yes. Every single girl. Sounds kind of nuts. So whether that’s true or just a b.s. excuse, it doesn’t hold up because every relationship is a blank slate and a new start. It doesn’t mean you’re going to cheat on him.
- He wants to take things slow. No one wants to take things slow if they’re actually physically attracted to someone and love spending time with them. It’s basically the complete opposite. Sorry, but this just isn’t a thing.
- If he stays with you, he’ll fall for you. Um, yeah. Isn’t that kind of the point? When you hear this line, there’s nothing to do but smirk and get over it immediately. It’s not a compliment, he just doesn’t want to date you. Simple as that.
- Anything work-related. We all work. It’s kind of a thing. And yet he swears he’s the only person on the planet with a career.
If you’ve getting any of these reasons (aka excuses), then feel free to move on. You can find someone who won’t give you any excuses at all – they’ll just be so excited to have met you and will look forward to what comes next.