I’m all about speaking my mind, but sometimes it’s in my best interest to keep quiet, especially in complicated romantic situations. I’ve wanted to send these texts to guys in my life so many times, but thankfully I’ve pressed “delete” before “send” every time.
The poorly-timed emotional whim. Sending a good message at the wrong time of day is sending a bad message. I was at a happy hour with friends downtown and was reminded of a guy I used to work with. I wanted to spontaneously let him know I was thinking of him, so I wrote “I miss you” in a text and showed it to my friends before I sent it. They immediately took my phone and deleted the message because they knew that at 10 p.m. on a weeknight, he would have most likely assumed that I had intentions I definitely didn’t.
The “networking text.” I started reaching out to people I knew when I wanted to change careers, which is a great idea unless you’ve dated them. I almost texted a guy I briefly dated because I knew he would have connections in the industry. I didn’t because I knew that I’d be lying if told myself I was completely over him and talking to him again would be like opening that wound all over again.
The out-of-towner. I met a guy in a speakeasy in the Lower East Side one night. We had a pretty intense connection and were inseparable for most of the night. When my friends were heading out, I snapped myself out of my downtown dream and went with them. We exchanged numbers but the fact that he was visiting from Europe and didn’t live in NYC made me doubt the likelihood of this working out well. When he asked me to meet up before his flight, everything in me wanted to reply “when and where?” Thankfully my better instincts outweighed my immediate desires and I decided I would rather leave it as it was: a fun, romantic memory.
The “just being nice” reply. I decided we weren’t right for each other after a few weeks of dating and canceled our plans to “hang out” at his place over the weekend. I didn’t hear from him again for another week. He messaged me late one night, and although I was flattered, I thought it better not to respond. As much as I wanted to explain myself or at least keep the bridge from burning, I knew even a simple reply would open the door to more confusion (for both parties) about a relationship that wasn’t right for me.
My number after a guy lost it. We texted every day for a few weeks before going on our first official date. There, he decided to tell me that he had a serious girlfriend and hoped that we could still be friends. Let’s just say that I didn’t talk to him after that. A year later, he DM’d me on Instagram asking for my number because he “lost it.” I considered various responses, but giving him my number was not on the top of the list. Instead, I chose to say nothing. I suppose the idea of not saying anything at all if you have nothing nice to say is a pretty good rule of thumb.
The impromptu invite. I contemplated sending a guy an impromptu invite to join my friends and me at a dive bar on a Friday night. I was in a good mood and wanted him to come hang out with us. Then I realized I had to be more careful about who I am hanging out with. Certain people can have such a strong influence on you to the point that you act like a completely different person around them—and not in a good way. Because I care deeply about the kind of person I’m becoming, I realized I didn’t really need him around, even if I wanted him to be.
The message full of cheesy song lyrics. Music has a way of bringing out my inner romantic and making me get into super weird moods where I send texts I later regret. It’s all fun and games until you send Mumford & Sons lyrics to your crush in an attempt to explain how you feel about him. Full disclosure: I actually did send this text once and it did not go well.
<The sext. There may have been times where I have wanted to send less-than-angelic texts to a guy. Whether it’s the Emily Post tendencies in me or the embarrassment I would feel if somehow my texts were read aloud to children, I always manage to back up and hold down the “delete” button on this one. A little flirtation is always good but if I’d be embarrassed seeing our conversation splattered on a billboard, I find it’s better to discuss in person.
The racy selfie. The occasional scandalous selfie is a great way to keep yourself motivated to stick with your diet and exercise program and even amp up your confidence level. Sometimes when you’re feeling the self-love, you also want to share your enthusiasm with a guy you’re seeing. But something in the back of my head always stops me from doing this. It might seem like a good idea in the moment, but I know that I’d never want to sabotage my career goals or future by sending pictures that could potentially jeopardize my credibility.
The drunk text I won’t remember later. I have a habit of becoming very spontaneous and romantic when tipsy. Usually, after a couple of drinks, I start to imagine myself riding off into the metaphorical sunset with the man of my dreams after I send him a text. To help me with this troublesome habit, anytime I write a text under these conditions, I make myself sleep on it first. If I read it in the morning and still think it’s a good idea to send it, I will. So far, that’s never happened.
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