10 Texts Women Send When We’re Being Passive Aggressive

I hate fights and I hate being angry. As a result, I can be the queen of passive aggressiveness whenever I get to that point. If you’re like me then this quality always comes out in the way you communicate, especially through texting. Here’s a list of all the ways non-confrontational girls text when we’re mad AF and what they might mean:

  1. Aggressively punctuating sentences If our friend or boyfriend is really ticking us off and we have to fire off a series of passive aggressive messages that get our point across without actually saying “I’m mad at you,” we’ll chop my sentences up into smaller ones. Like this. Because we want them to know that I’m really mad. But we don’t want to say it.
  2. Perfect punctuation and grammar In addition, non-confrontational girls will switch up the colloquial texting for some good old fashioned perfect punctuation and grammar usage. No “lol,” no contractions, and absolutely no emojis. We mean strictly business, so perfect comma and period placement is key. The small changes in language are there to push our point across fiercely without having to say the words.
  3. One-word answers. We believe that everyone does this, not just the non-confrontational gals. You know exactly what we’re talking about. Our boyfriend asks us how our day was but you’re not completely over something that happened the night before and we reply with “fine” instead of providing a multi-paragraph summary about our day. He knows we’re still mad with that simple one liner.
  4. One long text We do this especially if we’re usually double, triple, or even quadruple texters when everything is all good and we can’t wait to fire off our messages to our friends or boyfriend. But when we’re mad, we send one very carefully planned, somewhat vague 175-word text-essay with perfect punctuation and grammar that pops up on their screen with a vengeance.
  5. Using “k” with a period We’re non-confrontational but totally passive aggressive, so we definitely use “k” with a period. It usually comes after our boyfriend or friend says something that annoys us so much that we can’t even deal, so we hit them with a “k.” In our experience, this leads to my friend or boyfriend asking us what’s wrong… which, if we must admit, is the intended effect because we don’t have to be the one to call them out directly.
  6. Using “mmhm.” When our friend or boyfriend says something and it just doesn’t sit well with us but we don’t want to avoid responding because our irritation isn’t that serious but we do want to signal that what they said was weird AF? Yeah, we use “mmhm.”
  7. Using “ok” with no period. The OK sans period is akin to a “whatever.” It’s used when a non-confrontational girl can’t even anymore with what we’re being told and we want to leave a response that signals our desire not to deal and end the conversation.
  8. Using “u 2” when he says “I love you” when we’re still mad but still love him. We’re guilty of using this all the time with our guys. We use this when we’re totally irritated about our boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up before he left our house but it’s not enough to actually start a fight. So instead, we respond with a “u 2.” In my experience, this usually invites a “What’s wrong?” question, to which we air our grievances. Mission accomplished.
  9. The thumbs up emoji Oh man, do non-confrontational girls love a thumbs up emoji! A thumbs up is a variation of the “K.” It means, “Yep, we got it, thanks for being a jerk. Have a nice day.”
  10. Leaving people on read For those of us with an iPhone, we know all too well the pros and cons of using the read receipts option. On the one hand, they’re a practical tool that lets someone know that you’ve received their message, especially if it’s an important one. But on the other hand, they’re a non-confrontational girl’s DREAM. Read receipts allow us to acknowledge to the sender, like, “Hey, I got your message but no, I’m not responding to it right now. I’m hurt, I’m dealing with my feelings and I’ll talk to you later.” Read receipting is the text version of when someone gets up and walks away during an argument to cool off, think about their response or just leave to stew alone. Personally, we think read receipt-ing is a bit cruel and should be used sparingly for particularly egregious situations.
  11. Not opening the text at all. An unopened text that we just let sit in our messages for HOURS is peak passive aggressive but non-confrontational girls do this all the time because it can be hard to face the music. If we’re in a spat with our boyfriend, roommate or best friend but we’ve got a busy work day, sometimes the best thing to do is to ignore the text and go about our day. Sometimes we figure that as soon as 5 p.m. hits and we’re finished with work, we can open it then. Sure, an action like this risks a super angry friend, roommate or boyfriend who feels like we ignored them all day but sometimes it’s warranted. Plus, sometimes it gives us time to cool down before we dive into a hard conversation. Non-confrontational girls may be passive aggressive, but I think we’re also cognizant of trying to contain a situation before it gets out of hand.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.