10 Things You Can Learn About A Guy By Sleeping With Him

When you’re out on a date with a guy, there are plenty of little things that can give you a hint about how he’ll behave in the bedroom. Of course, it works the opposite way, as well. When you sleep with him, you’ll learn a lot of things about the way he behaves in his everyday life. In other words, making love early on in the relationship isn’t always a huge mistake — it can actually help you figure out whether he’s the kind of guy you could see a future with. Here are some things sleeping with a guy will tell you about him.

  1. How confident he is Does he look you in the eye while he’s making love to you? Does he tell you exactly what he wants you to do to him? If he does, he’s clearly really confident. He knows what he wants and he isn’t afraid to ask for it. The same goes for how comfortable he is with taking control of the situation. If he has a commanding presence and doesn’t hesitate before switching positions or diving right in to pleasure you, this is a pretty good sign.
  2. How well he listens You shouldn’t have to talk to let him know what’s on your mind. If he’s attentive, he should listen to what your body is telling him. If you react positively when he kisses your neck, he should keep kissing your neck. If you pull away when he tries to go through the back doors, so to speak, he should give it a rest. If he’s not picking up on any of your (quite obvious) signals or worse, he chooses to ignore them, he clearly isn’t a very good listener, which doesn’t bode well for a future relationship.
  3. How caring and considerate he is Theoretically, you can be intimate without kissing or caressing. But if he takes his time with you, gives you gentle kisses, and strokes your hair, it shows that he has a soft side. Expect to cuddle after you’re done. This is one of the most important things you can learn about a man by sleeping with him. Showing you the consideration to make sure you’re comfortable and feeling good throughout the experience is key.
  4. How open-minded he is When you suggest sex on the couch, is he completely against the idea? What about when you ask him to push you up against a window? The more open-minded he is, the more things you’ll get to do together. This, of course, translates to outside the bedroom. You probably want a guy who’s up for adventure and has a bit of a spontaneous streak, so it’s important you learn this now while sleeping with him rather than realizing down the line that he’s not the guy for you.
  5. How boring he is. If he keeps his tempo without ever changing speed and won’t even flip you into a new position, he’s probably a little bit boring. If he wasn’t, then he’d make unpredictable moves. He’d do whatever felt right instead of playing it safe. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit vanilla, but surely that gets old after a while? You would think, anyway.
  6. How fit he is Even if he’s slim, he might be completely out of shape. You’ll find out the truth as soon as he gets on top of you. If he ends up panting and sweating after five minutes, then he’s not in the greatest shape. But if he can go all night long without asking you to take control, he’s fit as a fiddle. Sleeping with a guy doesn’t need to be a marathon session that lasts all night, but it would be nice to know that he has a bit of stamina to keep going.
  7. How responsible he is Does he ask you about STDs beforehand? Does he have protection ready? If not, then you should question his reliability. If he doesn’t care about contracting a disease or getting you pregnant, then what does he care about? When you’re sleeping with a guy, you want to know that he cares about your overall well-being just as much as he does about getting laid. If that’s not happening, it’s a no-go.
  8. How selfish he is Does he offer to go downtown or does he climb off of you as soon as he finishes? If he cared about you, he wouldn’t doze off before trying his best to get you to finish. Love-making isn’t supposed to be for his enjoyment. It’s meant to be mutual. If he’s all about getting his own rocks off and fine with letting you get there on your own, he’s gotta go.
  9. How laid-back he is Sex is supposed to be steamy, but that doesn’t change the fact that some embarrassing things can happen in the middle of it. If you two bump noses or if your lady parts make an awkward sound, he should either laugh about it or ignore it. If he looks grossed out, he’s not mature enough to be doing it. Sleeping with a guy is meant to be fun and lighthearted. The laughter is what can make it so much better!
  10. What really turns him on Before you get him into bed, you might already have some sort of idea about what gets him hot and heavy. Of course, once you two slip beneath the sheets, you’ll find out what really gets him going. Is it your chest, your legs, or your backside? Time will tell. You won’t know this before sleeping with the guy, but once you’re aware, you can really turn up the heat if you have a repeat session.

What you can learn about yourself from sleeping with a guy

While sex can offer some serious insights about your partner, you also learn a lot about yourself between the sheets.

  1. What you like and what you don’t If you masturbate, chances are you’re well aware of what turns you on in bed, but sexual experiences are different when another person is involved. You might think that you’d really like certain positions or trying anal but when you actually go for it, you realize it’s really not for you. Sleeping with a guy will clarify what gets you off and what sounds better in theory.
  2. What your kinks are, if any Again, there are probably things you’re curious about or turned on by on a cursory level, but sleeping with a guy will really clarify or even illuminate any potential kinks you have. Maybe you were surprisingly super into it when he choked you a bit or when he sucked your toes even if you never so much as considered those things hot previously. You never know what your kinks are until you discover them.
  3. What sex means to you Sleeping with a guy has the amazing side effect of shedding light on your approach to intimacy. Do you get extremely attached from the very first time you have sex, or are you a bit more casual and can appreciate the experience for what it is? You’ll learn a lot about your approach to relationships and sex in this way, so take note!
  4. Whether you’re a good judge of character When you first laid eyes on this guy, you thought he was attractive and had the sneaky suspicion that he was going to be great in bed. You thought he was generous, caring, and really charismatic. Sleeping with the guy will let you know whether or not you were right about that. Are you as good of a judge of character as you thought you’d be?
  5. Whether you like the guy as much as you thought you did At the end of the day, sleeping with a guy is a pretty reliable way to tell if all that chemistry you thought you had was real and if it holds up. If there’s no intensity and connection in the bedroom, chances are he’s just another dud that you’re better off without.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.