10 Things Commitment-Phobic Men Need To Know

10 Things Commitment-Phobic Men Need To Know ©iStock/PeopleImages

There are too many guys out there who just don’t want a commitment, and as a woman who wants a relationship, I can’t help but think that their attitude towards serious love is stupid. As a veteran of dating guys who just hate commitment with a passion, I’ve always wanted to tell some of my exes certain things that they should have been smart enough to know. Here are 10 things commitment-phobic men should know about what they’re doing to themselves.

  1. You’re losing out on good women who would value your need for freedom. The number one reason guys don’t want to commit is because they feel like they’re going to be constrained. Truthfully, there are many good women out there who will help you achieve your life goals if they’re in a relationship with you. Relationships aren’t about taking away freedom, they’re about enhancing your life by including people who make it easier to live life day-to-day.
  2. There’s a timer on your sex appeal too, bucko. Another common train of thought by men who don’t want relationships is that they don’t want to be with the same woman for decades because of the fact that she’ll age and not look as good in 10 years. Well, here’s the funny thing they forget: men age, too. Getting into a good committed relationship early is just as much an emotional safeguard for men as it is for women.
  3. Relationships are worth working for. Commitment-phobes don’t seem to understand that anything worth a damn is worth working for. Relationships involve hard work on both people’s ends if they are going to endure the test of time. All that work actually does pay off, since married men are typically happier and healthier than unmarried ones.
  4. You can’t go through life alone. Everyone needs somebody, even if it’s for something as simple as a roof over your head or holding down the fort when you’re on unemployment. Going it alone is a good way to make life’s problems harder to solve.
  5. By the time you realize what a fool you’re being, most women won’t want you. It’s true. Not many women want to be with a guy who’s been known to avoid commitments like the plague. The fact is that most guys who avoid commitments decide they want a relationship when sex is no longer easy to get.
  6. If you want a family, you’ll need a relationship.  I regularly hear guys talking about how they want kids, but don’t want to get married or have a relationship with a woman. They’ve gotta be kidding, right? Good luck giving birth, fellas!
  7. You can’t protect assets you don’t even have! It never ceases to amaze me how many commitment-phobic guys turn down women because they’re worried about getting divorced and losing half of their stuff. The funny thing is that many women are out-earning men, or act as the sole working party of couples. In fact, many of my friends who hear this crap from guys grossly out-earn their love interests. This is a classic case of not seeing the forest for the trees. In an effort to protect a beat up Honda Civic, commitment-phobic men avoid the potential of getting a Mercedes S-Class Maybach.
  8. You’re missing out on beautiful memories. If you stay alone for your entire life, you’re missing out on playing catch with your kids, a beautiful wedding ceremony, Christmas dinners with the family you helped raise, and hyper-romantic date nights. You’re missing out on waking up next to someone who will kiss you first thing in the morning. Is this really what you want to avoid?
  9. When the girl you have a crush on ends up ditching your FWB situation for another man who is willing to commit, you have no one to blame but yourself. This is another thing that always amazes me. Commitment-averse men always end up furious when the girl they were casually screwing bolts for a guy who’s willing to commit. Commitment-phobes, don’t be angry at her. She’s just getting what she wants, from a guy who’s willing to give it to her. Not offering that level of commitment was your choice, and that means you have no one to blame but yourself.
  10. You need to work out your issues, bro. If you don’t think you have issues, and you’re afraid of committing, you’re wrong. Having a deep fear of commitment is a signal that you have a very unhealthy attitude towards women, love, and interpersonal relationships as a whole. Do yourself a favor, and get some therapy.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.