You’re not expecting perfection from a partner. In fact, for the right one, you’re willing to put up with a lot — but there are some things that even you just can’t handle. Unfortunately, these ultimate relationship dealbreakers come up more often than you think:
- Your partner has no plan for how they expect to make a reasonable living. You’re not a gold-digger, you swear, but come on now. They don’t have to be a millionaire, but they shouldn’t expect you to be the one financing their daily Starbucks habit.
- One of their exes is still actively involved in their lives. If they insist that they’re over their ex but the ex is still hanging around and they’re fine with that, clearly there’s more to this story. “We’re just friends” is a beautiful lie, but it’s still a lie. If your partner is ready to move on, they need to make a clean break.
- They don’t like your friends and don’t even try to play nice. Placing a wedge between someone and their friends is a classic move to gain control over the relationship. When they make you choose between your friends or them, they unnecessarily put you in a bad position where you’ll end up depending on them more and more. Don’t let that happen.
- They don’t fully and completely trust you. You shouldn’t need to answer for every second of your time, or every minute that goes by without you texting back. You have a life, as well you should, and that shouldn’t need explaining.
- They build themselves up by tearing you down. If your partner keeps razzing on you all the time about things like your forgetfulness or your lack of cooking abilities, that should raise a red flag. It’s one thing to gently tease, but beware if it starts to become a pattern. Your S.O. may be trying to bring down your self-esteem because theirs is already low, and they’re worried that you’re less likely to leave them if you’re less confident.
- Their family tries to tear the two of you apart. The story of Romeo and Juliet is romantic and all, but spoiler alert: it doesn’t actually have a very happy ending. As fun as it can seem at first to be in this together against family members who want to see you torn apart, this can get old very quickly.
- They make you feel clingy or crazy for wanting to talk about the future. Every time you mention a friend’s wedding, your partner winces. Every time you even hint at your own possible future nuptials, they totally shuts down conversation. How are you supposed to move forward if you can’t even theoretically talk about what your long-term vision is for the future? If they have cold feet already, that’s not a good sign.
- They’re dating the version of you that you used to be, not the version that you currently are. Sometimes, with long relationships, it’s easy to get stuck in the past. If you don’t grow together, you’ll grow apart. If your partner is in love with the person you used to be when you first started dating but hasn’t gotten the memo that you’ve changed (for the better), it’s just not going to work.
- They don’t make you a better person. Maybe it’s fun to be with someone wild and crazy who pushes your boundaries, but don’t let your S.O. push them too far. Your relationship should enrich your life, not take away from it.
- You were the reason your partner’s last relationship ended. If you were the “other woman,” or other guy, it may be thrilling to think that your S.O. left their last partner for you. But if your romance started while they were also romancing someone else, that’s a bad sign — you’re only starting out and you already have a history of drama.
