If These 10 Things Are Happening In Your Relationship, Sorry, But It Isn’t Love

If These 10 Things Are Happening In Your Relationship, Sorry, But It Isn’t Love ©iStock/Gabriel Bostan

It might seem like you know all there is to know about being in love since it’s literally everywhere. Once you find someone and fall for each other, you’re well on your way to your own happily ever after, right? Wrong, actually. There are a lot of ways that your relationship can be anything but a fairytale, and if it involves any of these 10 things, you’re experiencing the opposite of true love.

  1. Fighting over the smallest things Sure, arguments are going to happen in any relationship. You’re your own person with your own thoughts and beliefs and so is your partner. You’re not going to agree on everything, but real love doesn’t involve fighting over who should make the bed or who loaded the dishwasher “wrong” or whether you should order pizza tonight. If that’s happening all the time, there’s something deeper going on and it’s not good.
  2. Emotional abuse and insults It’s unfortunately all too easy to think that an emotionally abusive guy is actually totally charming. By the time you’re in an official relationship, they’re complaining about the way that you made dinner or saying that you buy too much makeup and just generally undermining you. This isn’t any way to treat someone that you love, even if he swears that’s how they feel about you.
  3. Texting you constantly when you’re out with your friends There’s nothing wrong with staying in touch with the person that you’re in a relationship with. In fact, it’s normal. What’s not normal is when your partner can’t stand that you have a life outside of them and won’t stop messaging you when you’re grabbing drinks with your friends. If they really loved you, they’d let you live your life and have one of their own too.
  4. Threatening to dump you all the time. It’s not love if your partner often says that they’re going to break up with you in retaliation for something you say or do that they don’t like. They might try to seem all romantic by saying that it’s OK and they’re not going to leave you and they were just angry, but come on. That’s just not a legit way to behave. Every couple fights sometimes but threatening to end the relationship shouldn’t happen unless they’re serious about it (or you are).
  5. Never wanting to go anywhere or do anything Being in a new relationship can turn anyone, even the biggest social butterflies, into total homebodies. It makes sense that for the first few months, you and your boyfriend want nothing to with the outside world and you want to stay in your bubble. Still, it’s weird and uncool if your partner never wants to go to your friends’ parties or even go out for dinner every once in a while. Just because you’re off the market doesn’t mean you can never socialize with anyone who isn’t your partner.
  6. Pressuring you into meeting certain milestones It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with your partner for five years and they think that it’s about time that you got engaged already. If you’re not ready for something, whether that’s sleeping with someone for the first time or deciding to get married, that’s all that matters. Your S.O. should never, ever pressure you into meeting relationship milestones. It’s not cute or sweet or romantic, it’s a-hole behavior.
  7. Getting mad when you bring up issues No relationship is perfect and everyone has at least one sore spot. Maybe you’re quick to get defensive when you’re criticized or your partner doesn’t communicate enough. The real problem happens when you want to talk to them about what’s going on and instead of listening and having a real adult conversation, they get pissed off that you’re bringing this stuff up in the first place.
  8. Making big decisions without talking to you first Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you can decide everything for your partner. Real love isn’t about putting down a deposit on a cottage for this summer without checking with your person first or telling everyone that you’re already engaged when you haven’t even discussed it yet. These things might seem like simply part of being with someone, but they’re actually huge red flags that your partner is selfish AF.
  9. Complaining 24/7 Do you get the feeling that nothing is ever good enough for your partner? You made their favorite dinner and it’s still not enough to put them in a good mood. You tried to talk to them about their work stress and they’re still saying how much they hate their job. No one deserves to be their partner’s sounding board for misery and complaints all the time.  
  10. Not liking your friends and family It would be amazing if everyone that you loved got along, from your partner to your best friend from preschool to your quirky but fun aunt. Although not everyone’s going to be besties, it’s fair to say that you can all be civil to each other. When your partner says that they hate the people that you care about who aren’t them, it’s not only hurtful but it’s really messed up. This is no way to have a relationship, no matter how much they say they love you.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.