10 Ridiculous Things I Was Told I Needed To Give Up To Find A Boyfriend

There’s a lot of advice out there about how to make yourself more appealing to men or which of your attributes will be dealbreakers to the opposite sex. Instead of listening to this horrible advice and changing, wait for the man who loves you the way you are and encourages you to be your favorite version of yourself. I’m living proof that you don’t have to give up certain things in order to find love, and I’m glad I didn’t drop these 10 things:

  1. My ambition. Women don’t need to be apathetic and aimless in order to find a life partner. The right guy will find your ambition sexy and irresistible, and encourage you instead of competing with you.
  2. Those last 5-10 pounds. You can have your doughnut and have a boyfriend too! Super skinny isn’t ever man’s favorite body type, and you’ll never be happy if you’re constantly on a strict diet.
  3. My “bad attitude.” Sometimes I can be a bitch when the situation calls for it. You shouldn’t have to tone it down or play nice to land a guy when that would hurt you. Instead, wait for the guy who respects you enough to back you up when you need to stand up for yourself or what is right.
  4. An advanced degree. I was once told that women with advanced degrees intimidate men, and that no one would marry a woman whose biological clock was that close to running out. Not only can most women have babies all through their 30’s, but love isn’t based off of fertility anyway. A man will love you because of who you are, not how many babies you can make, so if who you are is a smarty pants- get that advanced degree!
  5. My condo. The myth is that owning real estate will scare away potential boyfriends. You will come off as being too ready to settle down and the man won’t feel needed. However, you really don’t want a guy who needs you to financial rely on him in order to feel manly. Instead, you want someone who will appreciate you being independent and fiscally responsible. At a certain point in your life, it just makes sense to buy, so don’t waste your money on rent because you’re afraid of scaring away the guys.
  6. Heavy makeup. How many times have you heard, “men prefer less makeup?” The general advice is to wear it (because you’re not pretty enough without it) but to keep it looking natural (so you don’t look like a whore). I call BS on all of that! Do whatever makes you happy, from bare face to caked up glam. The right guy for you will want you to do whatever makes you feel happy and confident, not what society says is most aesthetically pleasing.
  7. Going out. If you have to become a hermit in order to get your guy to trust you, he isn’t the one for you. I go out as often as I like, and never get accused of cheating. Instead of ditching your social life, tell your guy to lose his insecurities.
  8. Being friends with my ex. Some relationships just organically transform into friendships. I was told I needed to end the friendship with my ex because any guy I dated would feel threatened by his presence in my life. I think men deserve a little more credit than that, because they are totally capable of feeling secure in a relationship and understanding a platonic friendship.
  9. My strong opinions. I can be a little intense- I have strong opinions about social justice and women’s rights. I have been told those opinions make me look like a bitter man hater, and I should keep them to myself if I ever wanted a serious relationship. Turns out, you only have to keep those opinions to yourself if you want a relationship with a moron or a caveman. A real man will respect your views and acknowledge the realities of life as a woman in today’s society- not tell you to keep quiet because it’s unpleasant to talk about.
  10. Being the alpha. I’d rather be alone that be submissive to a man, but it doesn’t have to be one or the other. There are plenty of good men out there who are OK with ditching outdated social norms and letting the women run the show. I’m the alpha in my relationship, and my boyfriend doesn’t feel emasculated at all, because I respect him. If you’re a strong alpha woman, you don’t have to change, because men will inevitably be attracted to your inner power.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.