If You’re An Independent Woman, You Probably Do These Things Differently

The idea of being strong and independent all on your own is thrilling — a goal for modern women everywhere. But you can still be an independent woman AND be in a relationship. Sure, having this title might seem to be a little challenging for some guys since they’re probably not used to dating someone who’s used to having their space and doing things solo. Still, it’s something they’re bound to be attracted to. After all, independent women don’t need anyone else to stay strong. You’re fully aware of your strengths and you’ll do whatever you can to reach your goals. Here’s what else sets you apart.

  1. You’re not afraid of doing things alone. There’s no need for you to pester your friends on a group chat, hoping someone else will feign interest in going. You already bought your single ticket to Fifty Shades of Grey on Fandango and don’t need anyone else to share that popcorn with. In fact, she kind of prefers seeing movies by herself. That way, you can form your own opinion about it and not just chat about how attractive Jamie Dornan is on the car ride home.
  2. You get stuff done without complaining. The average person might use the snow as a reason not to head to the grocery store. You lace up your boots, put on your winter hat, and realize that driving slowly and carefully will just be a minor inconvenience if it means having fresh fruit and vegetables in the house. Of course, there are times when you’ll want to bitch and moan like everyone else, but that doesn’t stop you from completing your daily missions.
  3. You don’t need a husband to have a family. If your biological clock is ticking, she’s not using your lack of a boyfriend or husband to deter you from having the role of a lifetime – who says raising kids on your own is too hard? The independent woman will laugh at all of the old-fashioned statements that a child needs a father and a mother since you know you can be both and do an amazing job at it — even if that means you won’t have much time for anything else.
  4. You don’t struggle to make decisions. When you hang out with friends, you don’t hesitate to share your opinions on what you should do and where you should eat – and you’re so convincing that none of your friends ever second-guess you. The independent woman knows what she wants in life and doesn’t waste time waffling through various options – why bother when you’re certain?
  5. You’re quick to offer advice — and it’s valuable. You always make time for your friend and they trust your advice implicitly, likely because you base your advice on life experience and not just stuff you read in a magazine. While your advice might include some tough love, you’re often right. The independent woman never means to hurt someone’s feelings, but you’re definitely not sugarcoating anything.
  6. You multitask better than most. Everything you need to do, you do yourself. You don’t depend on someone else to clean up the kitchen, pay the bills or feed the pets — you’ve created your own routine that you’ll stick by for life. People might assume you’re Superwoman, but the truth is, you’re bound to get incredibly bored without something going on.
  7. You can be pretty intimidating, even if you don’t mean to be. The independent woman might have a resting bitch face, but it doesn’t mean you’re a cruel and demanding person — and eventually, with a little more exposure, people will realize how smart and kind-hearted you truly are. Quite frankly, people can often be intimidated by someone who has full control over their life and you do. You have your opinions and you’re well-read, but just because you might not suggest the plan doesn’t mean you don’t want to go out with your friends to get manicures. Even if your schedule is packed, you’ll always try your hardest to make time for social events.
  8. You’re not quick to ask for help, but you’re not afraid to, either. Everyone needs a little bit of help every once in a while, but the independent woman will use others as a last resort. You’re so used to managing everything on your own that to you, having a friend lend a helping hand might even be a little mortifying. However, you know when you can’t go it alone and have enough humility to ask for help when you truly need it.
  9. You don’t live on social media. No one will see a status like “Finally put the kids to sleep! Now time for a well-deserved glass of wine!” on your page. You’ll put the kids to bed, have your wine and require no validation in doing so. You’re not about showboating your achievements, since you don’t judge your life worth on likes and comments. Social media isn’t your life. Thank goodness.
  10. You’ll never settle. After college, the only job you could land was as a receptionist. You were happy for the money and the exposure to office work – and in your head, you’ll be running that company someday. Even if you like your foot-in-the-door job, you won’t be there for long. Even more, you won’t even consider lunches out with your coworkers on your pro and con list when it’s time to move forward. Sure, you like the time you spent with them, but you’re fully aware that everyone at that office would take the better opportunity if given the chance.

Things independent women do differently in the bedroom

  1. You get what you want. Your man won’t have to spend an hour fumbling around to find your sweet spot because you’ll instruct him on what to do from the start. You know your body better than he does, so it makes sense to give him tips. That way, it won’t take as long for you two to start enjoying yourselves.
  2. You touch yourself. If your man still isn’t touching you in the right spots after you give him instructions, then you won’t fret about it. Instead of basking in your misery, you’ll just start touching yourself. You’ve been doing it for years, so you already know exactly what to do to turn yourself on.
  3. You have protection ready. Independent women don’t play around. You don’t want to contract a disease or have a baby before you’re ready, which is why you’ll have your pocketbook stashed with birth control pills and protection. You won’t rely on a man to carry them around, because you know it’s easier to count on yourself.
  4. You’re open-minded. You know what you like, but that doesn’t mean you’re afraid to try new things. If your man expresses interest in a new toy or position, you’ll give it a good amount of thought before you give him your answer. After all, you don’t want to miss out on an exciting opportunity.
  5. You’re passionate. You won’t do it unless you’re actually in the mood for it. That’s why every kiss and every touch will be fueled by passion. Every round of play will be hotter than the last.
  6. You usually initiate it. Independent women aren’t ashamed of their bodies. When you’re in the mood, you’ll climb on top of your man and initiate the encounter yourself. After all, you’re so hot that he wouldn’t dream of turning you down.
  7. You enjoy using your mouth. Some women are self-conscious about their abilities when it comes to going down, but not you. You know you could make any man moan, so you don’t hesitate to go down on him when you think he deserves a special treat. After all, you know he’ll return the favor.
  8. You’re confident. You don’t need a man to tell you that you’re hot, because you already know it. That’s why you won’t hesitate to let him see you naked, even if you’re feeling a little bloated. You know you’re gorgeous, regardless.
  9. You won’t stop until you reach your peak. You’ve never understood why some women fake them. After all, it’s supposed to be enjoyable for both of you. If your man’s the only one who gets to orgasm, then why would you get down with him at all?
  10. You don’t need to cuddle. Sure, you love to cuddle. But that doesn’t mean you need to cuddle. Sometimes, you’ll want to have some animalistic session without curling up in bed afterward.

Things women who value their independence care about most

  1. Choosing your own path. It’s incredibly freeing to be able to decide what you want to do and when. You don’t have to have the same career as your parents or go to the same college as your friends. It’s your life and your choice. You’re free to change your path and goals at any time.
  2. Equality in relationships. An independent woman isn’t afraid of letting a guy take control sometimes in a relationship. You just expect to be able to do the same. You don’t want to be treated as a weak, frail creature. You want to be treated as an equal partner at all times.
  3. Good conversation. Finding good conversation sometimes seems like a lost cause. When you do find it, you value it. You love having an intelligent conversation that goes beyond “who did you hook up with last night?” or random celebrity gossip. You want something that leaves you thinking and helps you learn more about the person you’re talking to.
  4. Good friends who accept you. Who says independent women don’t have friends? You’re just picky about who your friends are. You want good friends who don’t try to change them. You’re usually seen with a small group filled with different interests. Odds are, most of them are independent women. too.
  5. Not having to rely on anyone else. It’s a major confidence boost to be able to take care of yourself. Sure, it’s nice to have help sometimes, but it’s not something you expect. You work hard to have your own place, car, and things. You learn how to do basic repairs. Basically, you figure things out without leaning on everyone else for help
  6. Achieving success. Yes, success does matter. Independence doesn’t just magically happen. It means setting goals and being able to work towards them. This is part of how you became an independent woman. Success is valuable because it meant you worked hard for what mattered to you.
  7. Your own happiness. You don’t depend upon others to make you happy. You know you’re in control of making yourself happy. It’s why you value that happiness so much. After all, if you do that all on your own, you know you’re truly independent.
  8. Freedom from relationship statusesYou hate all the drama from other women who define themselves by their relationship status. They’re fine if they’re with someone, but they crumble when they’re single. You’re so beyond all that. You value not having to worry about your relationship or lack thereof. Life goes on regardless.
  9. Your beliefs and morals. Talk to any independent woman and you’ll quickly discover they have strong beliefs and morals. It’s like we have our own personal code. It’s part of what makes us stronger and more successful in life. Sure, those beliefs are always being challenged, but we stand strong by what we believe in.
  10. Challenges. Doing the same thing every day is boring. You never have a chance to learn or grow. You value challenges in life. Whether it’s a random home improvement project or having to learn French for a business trip, you’re excited by the opportunity. You’re always eager to learn something new. Challenges are the best way to do that.
  11. Respect. It might seem simple, but respect means the world to independent women. When it comes to the important people in our lives, we want to be respected. Whether it’s family, friends or co-workers, we want to be respected for who we are and what we do. The best part is you don’t just expect it, you work hard to earn it.
  12. Always learning something new. You know knowledge is power. You don’t wait for a challenge to learn more. You’re always reading blogs, taking online courses and learning from those you admire. You value what you learn because you know it’ll help you grow as a person.
  13. Alone time. It’s true that an independent woman doesn’t need people around all the time. You’re perfectly fine being by herself sometimes. You value that time because it’s a chance to think, de-stress and plan out new goals. You know you need time to work on you and you’re happy when you get a few hours to yourself.
  14. Your health. I’m not talking about dieting until you’re a size 0. Most independent women you see are healthy. We take care of ourselves because we value ourselves. We know to achieve what we want in life and be truly happy, we have to focus on living a healthier life.

Things guys do to drive you away

  1. Asking you to hang out every day You will survive if you don’t see them every day. You’d even be okay if you had to spend a week apart. But the second a guy tries to take up all your time and not give you your space when you need it,  you’re going to feel smothered. And there’s nothing you hate more than that.
  2. Getting upset when you travel alone You crave new experiences and adventure. You like being alone with your own thoughts. You’re comfortable striking up a conversation even when you don’t know a single person in another country. These are qualities an independent woman values about herself. If a guy tries to talk you out of these things or gets an attitude about them, no. He can go.
  3. Being overprotective You’ve likely been yon our own for a while. You can fend for yourself. You’re looking for a partner, not a second father. It’s not flattering or sweet when a guy is overprotective. It’s offensive and annoying.
  4. Making you feel guilty when you take a day to yourself Sometimes you just want to spend time on your own. A guy shouldn’t be offended when you choose Netflix over him one night. It has nothing to do with how you feel about him. It’s all about how you feel about yourself. You love time alone. In fact, you need it sometimes. Doesn’t everyone?
  5. Trying to do everything for you You can change our own light bulb, carry your own groceries, and drive yourself place. Yes, there’s such a thing as being helpful. However, when you’re clearly capable but they insist, it drives you nuts.
  6. Being jealous You’re going to talk to and hang out with whoever you want. You need to be trusted. The last thing you need is an insecure man who alwys wants you to check in or interrogates you like you’r at a job interview. No thanks.
  7. Telling you that you can’t do something Sorry, but you don’t recall asking for permission. You’re no longer a child and he’s not your parent.
  8. Taking you away from your family or friends When this guy wasn’t around around, family and friends were your everything. You’re not about to give that up. You value your relationships with the people who are important to you. Even when you have a boyfriend, you still need time for the ones who have been there since day one.
  9. Wanting to come everywhere with you You’re perfectly comfortable going out to get food alone. You can attend a wedding without a date. Oh, and you don’t need him to be your bodyguard every time you go out dancing with friends.
  10. Putting down your hobbies He doesn’t have to like your hobbies or even take part in them, but he’d better respect them. There’s no bigger turnoff than a man who discourages you and can’t support what you’re passionate about.
  11. Needing constant reassurance You need a man who can be secure about your relationship even if you don’t make him feel needed all the time. The truth is, you don’t need him. You’re completely fine on your own. What’s important is that you actually want him. That has to be enough.
  12. Paying all the time He knows you work too, right? Chivalry is nice, but you can pay your own way. In fact, you’d actually prefer to.
  13. Not having a life outside of you You know there are three aspects to a relationship. There’s you, him, and us. You like a man who knows how to take care of himself. He should have his own hobbies. His own friends. His own life. You can’t be his everything. In fact, you don’t want to.
  14. Moving too fast You didn’t get this independent overnight. You’re likely used to being on your own and it may take a little while for you to get used to having someone else around. You’re secure enough on your own that you don’t need someone to tell you they love you on the second date. You don’t need to meet his parents tomorrow and you’re not going to move in with him next week.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.